


Feels Like Home

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-12
Updated: 2013-04-21
Packaged: 2017-11-21 01:17:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 27,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/591800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Niall accidentally falls in love with the lesbian he's supposed to be pretending to date, Louis is in love with Harry (who may or may not feel the same) and ready to get out of the closet, and Management can't seem to keep their hand off of anyone's love life.</p><p> </p><p>This was supposed to be a parody of all those shitty het fic written by carrots, but then I actually ended up liking it. Whoops.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

"Where to?" I climb onto the little airport golf cart thing.

"Terminal C, please," I pant. My taxi had been stuck in obscene traffic, and I'd just barely cleared security when I heard my name over the P.A., advising me to catch the nearest ride to my gate.

"International flight, huh? That must be exciting. Is it your first time?" I get this sort of reaction frequently. It's beacasue I look younger than my 21 years. Considerably so, I guess.

"Nah," I smile politely. "I've been out of the U.S. before. This will actually be my third time in London." The first time had been the summer of my eighth grade year. My family spent two weeks in a Kensington flat. The next summer we stayed before and after a cruise that left from the nearby coast.

"Any big plans?" my driver askes, as we close in on my gate.

"An internship, songwriting. For Sony's UK branch." I grab my carry-on as he slows to a stop.

"Good luck!" He calls after me.

"Thanks," I shout over my shoulder, scrambling to pull out my ticket. The flight attendent waves me on board and I scarper, aware that I'm probably holding up about 300 people.

I find my seat in Business Class, to my renewed delight. Oh, the perks of being a paid intern at a multi-million recording company.

 

Eight hours later, I find myself touching down at Heathrow.

"Hellooooo, London," I sing through the window, giddy with excitement.

I can't believe this is really happening. Sure, I'd been penning lyrics since I was, like, 9, but I had entered for the internship in a whim, hardly expecting to actually get anywhere. Landing the gig had had me over the moon for months. And yet, here I am passing through Customs, scanning the dense crowds beyond. Finally, I spot a Middle-Eastern woman in her early 30's, holding a whiteboard with my name on it.

"Miss McKinnon?" Her accent makes me melt.

"That would be me," I shift me bag to shake her hand.

"Lovely. I'm Karis Masartha, I'll be your driver."

"Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Masartha."

"You can call me Karis. Now let's grab your bags, shall we?"

And with that I'm off to my whirlwind romance with the greatest city in the the world.


	2. Chapter 2

I've been in London for a couple weeks now, wandering the streets and taking tours and eating yummy vegan food. Most of my day, however, is spent in the Sony Media complex, writing and recording my lyrics, in hopes that someone will express interest.

Today I'm recording one of my older songs. No lie, standing in a recording booth with those clunky headphones, singing into a hanging microphone like you see in music videos, is pretty much the most badass feeling ever.

Henry, my boss, chats me up through the P.A.

"Don't forget, this booth's booked solid, so we need to finish up and clear out right quick when we're done!" I nod, humming the melody to myself.

"Whenever you're ready!" I nod again, and hear the beeping count down in my headset, and then the red recording light goes on.

Deep breath, close my eyes, and...

 

 

I thought that I didn't love you, but now I am not so sure

My stomach hit the floor when I found out you were kissing her

It was apparent all this time, I just preferred my own denial

But now it's all too late, so here are the things I won't get to say

 

I love you, love you, love you like that, yeah

Now I stuck dreaming about what we could have had

I was a coward and it bit me in the ass again

But you won't know, I'm too good at pretend

 

This whole thing is just wearing my poor tired heart down

If she keeps walking all over me, 'cause I'm lying on the ground

Maybe if I'd said something, things would be different

But now it's far too late, so here are the things I won't get to say

 

I love her, love her, love her like that, yeah

Now I stuck, and you've got what I wish I had

I was a coward and it bit me in the ass again

But you won't know, I'm too good at pretend

 

Could it be that I am doomed to be just friends

Seems to me, because that's how this always ends

But I don't want to wait for somebody else to prove me wrong

So that's why I'm writing you this song

 

I love you, love you, love you like that, yeah

Now I stuck dreaming about what we could have had

I was a coward and it bit me in the ass again

If I could do it over, I swear this would have a better end

 

 

 

When I'm done, there is a beat of silence and the click that tells me we're done recording. At the sound of applause, my eyes snap open. Henry is too professional for that sort of thing, so someone else is in the room.

"That was brilliant!" Oh. My. Goodness. Niall Horan just complemented my song. One Direction just applauded me. If I die right now, I could die happy.

"Ah, thanks," I say, all super-smooth like.

"Jamie," Henry's voice floats through my head phones. "There are some boys out here who would like to me you."

"Oh, believe me, the feeling is mutual," I mutter, climbing off the stool and hanging up my headset.

"Hi!" they all say in unison as I step through the doorway.

"Whoa!" I shake my head, "how did you do that?"

"We've been trained," says Louis.

"Extensively," adds Harry.

"Impressive." I conclude aloud. "So, uh, what are you doing here?"

"We've got the next slot to record, and figured we'd just show up early," explains Zayn.

"Good thing we did, too," Liam beams. "Otherwise we'd have missed your performance."

I pretend to brush my shoulders off, you know, 'cause ladies is pimps too.

"Thank you, thank you," I bow dramatically. "I'll be here all summer."

"Good. Because we want to do your song," Harry proclaims. I can feel my eyes widen.

"For real?" I gasp, excited beyond belief.

"Yup," agrees Louis, popping his 'p'.

"Oh. My. Gosh." I drop into a nearby chair. "My song is going to be famous!!!" I squeal.

"You notice how she's more excited about the song than meeting us?" Zayn asks Liam, pretending to be offended.

"Priorities, gentlemen. You won't feed and clothe and pay off my student loans. That song will," I intone with mock seriousness.

"Boys, you already got work to do today, so I'm sorry, but I'll be kicking Jamie out now." Henry says from behind us.

"Aww," they pout.

"Numbers!" I shout, tossing my phone to Niall, who quickly enters his and passes it around.

"Don't wait up for me now," I say as Harry passes my phone back. "I'll call you."

I turn and open the door. "Peace," I call over my shoulder as I walk away.

Holy Crow. One Direction want to do one of my songs. I fangirl-squeal all the way home.


	3. Chapter 3

I need a third arm. This is a logical conclusion to reach as I peruse the local farmer's market with my mobile vibrating like mad in my jacket. One arm in weighed down with a basket full of produce (I feel so quaint!) and the other is lugging around the unceremonious gallon of water I've been chugging all day. Hey, singers need to stay hydrated.

It isn't until I reach the bus stop that I have a chance to check my text. I see the message is from Henry.

"1D just finished their session, so feel free to call someone. BTW, they warmed up with a very un-ironic rendition of 'Call Me Maybe', and I'm holding you responsible."

I chuckle at the mental image. I'd caught the Underground to my favorite open-air market after work. I like to shop for only a day or two of food at a time, so my ingredients are always fresh. I'm a hippie like that.

 

It takes me a minute to find the boys in my contact list, since they all put in superhero alias instead. So finally, I just send a mass text to Clark Kent, Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Bruce Wayne, and Barry Allen.

"Hey Superman, Batman, Ironman, Flash, and Spiderman; it's Jamie. I know your true identities, so text me back, if you don't want an intelligence leak."

I know it's just texting, but I am obsessed with impecable grammar. Note the semicolon.

Almost instantly, I recieved a response from Batman.

"it's liam. or batman, if u prefer ;)"

I wince at his txtspk. But he did wink at me. And who can resist the wink-y face? Not I.

The Flash responds next:

"Did u look up Barry Allen or r u just that badass? -niall"

I grin and shoot back my response to Niall.

"The Flash is my 2nd favorite superhero. Of course I know his alter-ego."

By the time I've unloaded all my groceries, all the boys have texted me back. We set plans to meet up the next morning so that we can swap some more material and also just hang out. I want to get to know them, for obvious reason and also because I can't write decent lyrics for/about complete strangers.

***

The next morning, I wake up early to bake muffins. Maybe it's weird or unprofessional, by my mother instilled a sense of Southern hospitality in me, and I am incapable of showing up empty-handed. Plus, I love to feed people, and teenage boys love food, so it's win-win.

I pull the muffins out of the oven, and half an hour later, the boys greet me as I walk through the lobby's front door.

"Heya! I come bearing gifts," I grin.

"Fuck me, I smell baked goods!" Niall announces, and they nearly trample me in an attempt to get at the muffins.

"omgsh, thersogood," Louis says around a mouthful.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" I tease.

"Seriously, what is in these things?" Zayn looks vaguely indignant, waving his half-eaten muffin about. "Crack?"

"No," I laugh, "but they are vegan."

"Don't say," Liam chews thoughfully. "They're delicious."

"So, are you, like, a hippie, or something? You sure don't dress like one," Harry asks, eyeing me. 

"I am like nothing you have ever before seen," I decare, striking a dramtic pose.

"I like this one. Can we keep her?" Louis asks between muffins.

I look into the container that had the muffins. Empty.

"Hey, that was my breakfast, too you know!" I exclaim. "How many did you eat, like six?" They shake their heads guiltily, mouths still full of muffins.

"Well then who ate the majority?" I demand, more impressed and flattered than actually pissed. They all swallow, practically in unsion.

"Niall," they point at him. I can't help laughing, he has some major chipmunk cheeks going on.

"Solution!" cries Harry. "we'll take you out to breakfast."

"But you've just eaten."

"I need caffine,"explains Zayn. "Badly."

Niall nods enthusiastically, "still hungry."

I shrug. "Lead on then."

It's not until we're out the door and down the street in a little cafe that I realize maybe we shouldn't be out wandering on our own. Don't they have a security guy or something? And is Henry supposed to be here, too? I know I should probably be more concerned, but hey, I'm getting free breakfast with cute boys. What's not to love?

The boys are all in sun glasses and beanies as we're seat outside. I give a silence prayer of thanks that we're are served by a waiter and not a waitress. I'm pretty sure she would just flirt the whole time...

After Niall orders aproximately the entire breakfast menu, he turns to me.

"Order up, love. It's all on us."

"If there's anything left," I raise my eyebrows pointedly. "I'll have a soy latte and the vegetable breakfast wrap, but with out the eggs or cheese, if you would. Are those grilled with butter?"

Our waiter chuckles, shaking his head at me. "She know what she wants," He sound amused.

"Sorry, to be any trouble," I smile. "Louis, you're up."

"So, Jamie, do you have a boyfriend?" Harry asks totally out of the blue, as our waiter hands me my latte.

"I plead the Fifth," I respond, sipping my coffee.

"The what?" asks Zayn.

"The Fifth Amendment, from the Bill of Rights; 'you have the right to remain-' oh, but I guess that doesn't work here, now does it?" I laugh.

"Nope! You're on our turf now. None of that American libety nonsense," Niall grins cheekily.

"Well, then, no, I suppose. Do you normally ask that of people you've know for less than 24 hours?"

"Hazza does," Louis intones gravely, ruffling Harry's hair affectionately.

"Only if I actually care about the answer, though," Harry clarifies.

"Oh, I see. So, should I be flattered...or concerned?" I ask.

"Concerned!" Liam laughs.

"Moving on..." I change the subject to less awkward things. "What kind of music are y'all into? Like, favorite bands or whatever?"

"The Fray!" says Louis immediately. Oh, I used to love them, back in high school.

"Mm, probably Coldplay, I'd say," Harry says.

"Zayn's is *NSYNC!" Niall blurts out. I can't help giggling over that one.

"Man card, please." I hold out my hand to Zayn. Harry and Louis crack up.

"No judgement!" he demands, laughing.

"Fine, what about you, Niall?" I turn to him.

"Ah, I'm a big fan of Oasis, myself," he comments.

"Liam?" We all turn to look at him. He covers his face in mock dispair.

"Don't make me pick just one!" he exclaims through this hands.

"So, with the exception of Zayn," I toss him a look, "you guy are into rock acts, yeah?" They all nod. Hm. Not really my writing style, but I can work with it. I'm more of a balladeer myself, but challenges are good.

"What are you into?" Harry asks pointedly.

"Oh, I'm down with pretty anything. Being a writer, I'm just a snob for lyrics, regardless of genre." It's true, I can't conform to one type of music. "My favorite band, though, would have to be Panic at the Disco."

Our conversation is interupted by the appearance of our order.

"Hell yeah, this is amazing!" Niall exclaims thickly through a mouthfull of food. Zayn and Liam throw him a look.

"Sorry," he blushes, nodding at me.

"Fuck that bullshit. I have a mouth like a sailor. No shame in that," I say. The table is silent for a beat as the guys all stare at me for a second.

Louis breaks the silence. "Please marry me." That sets all of us off.

"Well, that was unexpected," Zayn gasps, trying to catch his breath.

"Fun fact about me: My mind is a cesspool. Like, it's absolutely filthy. Also, I know way too many offensive jokes. And pick up lines," I explain.

Louis slaps me a high-five across the table. "Welcome to the fold, love."

"I feel like I just got initiated into a cult."

"You did. Cheers," says Niall.

"Cool."


	4. Chapter 4

"Whoa! You are the perfect height!" Harry has an arm wrapped around my shoulders as we leave the cafe. I get this a lot.

"Seriously?" Asks Liam curiously. Pretty soon, he's got his arm around me, too. "Huh, you were right."

"What am I, a mobile armrest?" I demand.

"You are now," replies Liam. I give him a look.

"Careful Li," Louis laughs, "She looks like she'd attack you with spoons."

"Spoons?" What on earth do spoons have to do with anything?

"Oh, yeah. Daddy Direction is scared of spoons," Niall says.

"Wait, what? Why?" I am so confused.

"For the last time, I just don't like them," Liam exclaims, exasperated. "Unlike Zayn and water."

"There's nothing irrational about that!" Zayn argues. "No one's ever drowned in a spoon!"

Liam turns back to look at Zayn and shoves his sunglasses up his nose with his middle finger. Subtle, Liam, real subtle.

 

"So, Jamie you should come over tonight and watch a movie with us," Harry informs me. I bite my lip. I'd love to hang out with them some more, because it's like being with five little brothers, but...

"I've already got plans. I'm so bummed." I make sad eyes at him.

"What could possibly be more awesome than hanging out with a sexy boy band?" Zayn quirks an eyebrow at me.

"Uh, I'm performing at a coffee house. They do open-mic nights and I signed up last week," I explain.

"Oh, where?" Louis asks. "Maybe we'll show up and embarass you. Could we, like, bring posters with "We heart Jamie" all over them?"

"No!" I laugh.

"Please?" Louis bats his eyes at me.

"No!" I duck out from under Harry and Liam's arms, and square up into my boxing stance, pretending to throw punches at Lou. Louis, of course, just eats this up and starts throwing punches, though clearly at random. Harry has him by the shoulders, like a trainer while Zayn chants 'Fight!' We are making such a spectacle.

Liam is imitating Harry, squeezing my shoulders while keeping up a running commentary.

"And the South Paw comes in with a right jab, rolls left to avoid Louis's right hook, and oh! look at that cross! Louis's gonna need some ice on that tonight!" We carry on like this for a minute, before I pretend to dramatically knock Louis out, and he pretends to faint. Priceless.

"We have a winner!" Zayn shouts, grabbing my arm and waving it in the air. I take a bow, since I'm not sure what the usual protocol is anyway.

"So, you're a South Paw," Liam notes casually. I nod, pleasently surprised to have found a fellow boxer. At 5'2, I automatically love anything that makes me feel physically powerful, and nothing can quite match the sensation of wrapping your hands and grabbing a pair of gloves.

"Yeah, I love beating the shit out of things-slash-people," I grin cheekily. Zayn snorts, presumably at the though of me boxing, and I shoot him a look.

"That's awesome!" Liam gushes. "I love boxing, took it up in secondary, a couple of years ago."

"That's about when I started! I was one of, like, 10 girls and everyone else hated it."

"Aw, Liam has a man-crush," Niall teases. Despite the fact that I'm not a guy, it seems like an acurate sentiment.

"Can we please train together sometime? I miss it sooo much!" I give Liam my best puppy eyes.

"Totally! As long as you don't want to spar."

"But sparring's the best part! What, are you afriad to fight a girl?" I taunt playfully.

"Daddy Direction is a damn good gentleman," Niall says seriously. I smirk at his word choice.

"Oi, Zed, put that rubbish away!" Harry exclaims suddenly. I whip around to see Liam snatch a cigarette out of Zayn's fingers.

"Filthy fuckin' fags," Niall mutters darkly. "I thought you'd given them up, Zed."

"Here, wait," I say quickly, digging through my bag. I toss him a pack of gum. "Chew this. It'll help the cravings."

We have to stop Zayn from stuffing the entire pack in his mouth after hearing that.

"Not all at once!" I laugh.

"Hey, man, if it helps...I want to quit so bad. I just can't seem to do it," Zayn explains, shaking his head sadly. I muss his hair sympathetically.

"Don't worry, I've been there. You can kick it, I promise."

"You smoked?" Liam's eye grew wide. "I just can't imagine that."

"Naw, but I've kicked other, equally destructive addictions." I clarify.

"Ohh, intriguing," coos Louis. "Jamie's mysterious past."

"That another story for another day," I turn back to Zayn. "For real, though, if you want help or anything, I've got you." He nods. I pat his arm as we continue up the street, and return to the lobby.

"So, anyway, I think Hazza and I should definately continue working on that harmony for the second verse; right, Jamie?" Louis remarks loudly, spotting Henry before any of the rest of us do.

"Oh, yeah," I nod enthusiastically, going along with him 100%.

"And I've got the chorus," Zayn adds. You do now.

We continue on to the elevator, bullshitting like pros.

"And no one suspects a thing." Liam rolls his eyes at me.

"Look at us, being so productive!" Harry whispers in my ear as the doors slid shut.

Suddenly, the uncontrollable urge to sing grips me. I don't know why this happens, but sometime it just does, these lyrical compulsions. It's like musical Tourette's.

"There's a fire starting in my heart," I burst out.

"Reaching a fever pitch," continues Niall, to my surprise.

"And it's bringing me out of the dark," Zayn adds. We spontaneously sing the whole song together, in a three-part harmony that we make up as we go.

"Did we just have a sing-a-long in an elevator?" I ask as we step out on the 17th floor. We all look at each other for confirmation.

"Yes, I think we did," Zayn concludes finally.

"Huh. Legit."


	5. Chapter 5

"So, this whole fear of spoons thing..." I have Liam on speaker phone as I get dressed for my open mic tonight. We spent most of the morning messing around in the studio and recording hilarious anti-smoking messages for Zayn. I sang/showed the guys some of my other material, too, but we were really only productive when there were adults around. Well, professional ones, anyway.

 

"Yeah, what about it?" Liam sounds leary.  
"What do you do after sex?" I ask cheekily.  
"Jamie!" I hear Niall dying in the background.  
"Fair question, mate," he cackles.  
"You're worse than Louis," is all Liam will say in reply.  
"I mean really," I continue on, "is it forking? Kniving? That sounds really unpleasant and possibly fatal." This sets Niall off again.  
"I'm hanging up now, Jamie," Liam says pointedly.  
"Byyyyye!" I sing, hitting 'End'. I am so excited for tonight. I love singing. Really, I love to perform on a stage, not matter how small it may be. Long before I started writing lyrics, I was putting on shows for my family, with my tone-deaf older sister, no less. After that, I picked up dancing, then songwriting, then acting, the public speaking. But still, for me, nothing beat the thrill of captivating an audience's attention.  
"I'm nooooot in loooove, this is noooot your so-ong," I'm giddy with excitement; singing into my hairbrush and dancing around my flat half-naked. "I'm not gonna waste these word, about a girl."  
"Get dressed Jamie," I instruct myself sternly. "You don't have all night." I change and slap on some make up.  
"Look at you, all dressed to impress," I say to my image in the mirror.  
~~~  
I arrive shortly before the show starts. Thea, the super-cute-and-probably-(hopefully)-gay barista waves me over with a big smile lighting up her face.  
"Hey cutie!" She leans across the counter to give me a squeeze. "We split your act tonight, I hope you don't mind." We have this running joke that I have an 'act' since I'm here for every open-mic night. People have actually started showing up specifically to see me, which is, like, the biggest complement ever. And since I bring business with an audience, I have an unoffical permantent spot. Thus, my so-called act.  
"When am I on?" I ask, shifting my bag to my other shoulder.  
"After this bloke up right now. You want a drink, love? It's on the house," Thea gestures to the massive blackboard behind her, where the menu is written.  
"Oh, you know what I want," I flirt shamelessly.  
"Bo, the usual for Jamie," she calls without looking away.  
"Hi, Jamie," Bowen, the other barista, waves.  
"Hey Bowen," I smile. "I will see you later." I tap Thea's nose ring gently before taking my seat by the window.  
I pull my folder of music out of my bag to pick something to sing. I am literally incapable of learning an instrument (not from lack of trying!), so my trusty accompaniment is my beloved tamborine. Judge me it you must, but it's the only thing I can play well. One of the cool things about open mic shows is that you tend to get a pretty eclectic crowd, so my indier (is that even a word? Well it is now) stuff does necessarily go over everyone's head.  
I choose "Some People Crash Parties", one of the very first songs I wrote when I got serious about writing. I have no idea what inspired the song, certainly not reality, but it was an old stand by nonetheless.  
"Hi guys. If you don't already know me, my name is Jamie, and yes, I am from the States. I'm going to sing you a little something I wrote. But first, I'd like to remind everyone that I love free sustanence, so you can buy me a drink, if you feel so inclined. Thea knows my order, don't you?" I wink at her and she shakes her head at my antics. "Without further ado, 'Some People Crash Parties'." I grab the microphone and open my mouth.

The telephone wires that you got caught up in  
Never were really quite normal again  
I can alway get through to your brother  
But never to my new girlfriend

I can tell it's you ruling the phone lines  
There was never any doubt  
'Cause even the lightning struck  
My internet never went out

My ex-girlfriend is haunting  
The telephone wires in my town  
When she crash into that phone pole  
She brought the whole system down

The only good that comes from this  
What tells me you are here still  
My heart may have been broken  
But I get no telephone bill

My ex-girlfriend is haunting  
The telephone wires in my town  
When she crash into that phone pole  
She brought the whole damn system down

And sometimes when I'm alone  
I'll pick up the telephone  
Trying to hear your voice  
Underneath the dial tone

 

My ex-girlfriend is haunting  
The telephone wires in my town  
When she crash into that phone pole  
She brought the whole system down  
Yeah, she brought my whole world down

 

The last note is followed by subdued but sincere applause.  
"I've got one more song for you guys before I pass off the mic to, ah," I glance sidway and catch sight of the next performer. "Milo, over there. Hi Milo!"  
"Hi Jamie," he replies indugently.  
"So yeah, another song. Anything you want to hear in particular?" I'm surprised to get a response from Thea, polishing glasses behind the counter.  
"Justin Bieber's, 'Baby'. You know that one, right?" I chuckle at her choice. It was they very first song she'd heard me sing; a stripped-down R&B redition. Mostly it was to get people's attention, but also I genuinely like the song.  
I clear my throat."Ahem, Justin Bieber's 'Baby'. For our lovely barista, Thea," I sneak a look at her. I don't need to read lyrics, so my eyes slide shut out of habit.  
I sing my heart out, fighting the urge to open my eyes when I hear the door open and a noisy group comes enters. Thankfully they quiet down quickly and are no more than a momentary distraction, though (and maybe I'm imagining it) I feel as though there is a sharp increase in the murmurings of the patrons.

This time, when I reach the final chorus, I hear loud whooping and clapping. My eyes snap open, thinking I'm being mocked and I regret the decision almost imediately.  
There, sitting squished around a little table, are Zayn, Liam, Harry, Louis and Niall. And they have signs. I want to kill them all. I finish the song, thank everyone, and hand the microphone off to Milo. There is bloodlust in my eyes, boring into One Direction as I march over to thier table.

"That was fucking brilliant," Niall cries, before I can open my mouth. "I love Bieber!"  
"I'm going to kill you. Why are you laughing? I'm dead serious! I can't believe you did that!" They're all leaning over the table, doubled up in laugher, so I knock all their heads together. "How did you find me, anyway?"  
"Google is a wonderfull thing, babe," Harry replies, curls shaking in mirth.  
"Stop laughing," I whine, even as a smile threatens to overtake my face. The hilarity of the whole situation is dawning on me. "Seriously, you're embarassing me." Finally they straighten up.  
"The person you like is here, isn't he?" Zayn says suddenly. Wicked grins cross their faces.  
"No! Shut up," I insist, but that makes it worse.  
"Ooh, who is he?" Harry leans in conspiratorially. "Which one is your mystery guy?"  
I glance toward Thea instinctively. She gives me a look like, 'what is going on?' and I throw her my most forced grin. "My mystery guy isn't here," I state firmly, not lying.  
"It's the barista," Liam blurts out. Shit, he must have caught my look.  
"Shut up," I slug his arm, my eyes widening emphatically.  
"Who, the fat one?" Louis sounds confused. Bowen is the more rotund of the pair...  
"Not him, the chick," Liam answers.  
I give Liam the most serious look in my repitoire. "Thank you Liam," I say bitterly. "You can stop now." Great. So much for keeping my personal preferences personal.  
"Oh, shit, Jamie I'm sorry," Liam appologized sincerely. "I wasn't even thinking-it just caught me off- I'm so sorry, really I am."  
"Well it's out in the open now, isn't it?" I sigh angrily. Harry and Louis are exchanging confused looks, as if we'd lost them a while back.

"So, you mean you're...?" Harry puzzles.  
"Yeah." I sigh.  
"Oh," Louis says as though he just now made sense of it all.  
"That's cool," Niall shrugs nonchallantly. "Is she a dyke too?"  
"Niall!" I whack him upside the head, but he's made me smile again.  
"I sure hope so," I mutter. "Anyway, my preferences are not open to discussion, so yeah."  
"Right," agrees Zayn stiffly. I look over at him with a sad smile.  
"I hope we can still be friends. This is why I like to keep this sort of thing private. I know it makes some people uncomfortable." He nods in agreement and gives me a slightly strained smile.  
"I'm sorry..." he says awkwardly.  
"It's fine," I brush his apology away. "My family's reaction was worse."

The silence that follows is a bit awkward, until Liam ends it.  
"So that song, the first one we heard you sing in the studio...was that about...?"  
I chuckle. "No, I have had a long history of rad bromances. Sometimes, my guy friends get songs about them.  
"Hm. So does that mean you'll write a song about us?" Louis wiggles his eyebrow suggestively.  
"Is that what we have? A rad bromance?" I ask, laughing. "I think it's a bit soon for that sort of commitment. I like to be wooed first." Zayn snorts.  
And just like that, things are back to normal. We chat idly as preformers come and go. I read the signs that the boys made, laughing harder with each successive one. They're all so proud of themselves that it makes everything funnier. Zayn's has a giant ring on it, with the words "Marry Me?" next to it. Harry's reads "Jamie's #1 Fan", and Louis's says "I <3 Jamie!". Liam's is just a really awful picture of my face, blown up to the point of pixelation. Niall, however, made the best one, hands down. It has a pram on it, under the words "I want Jamie to have my babies!"  
"Please tell me I can keep these," I gasp, wiping tears out of my eyes.  
"No way!" Harry exclaims indignantly.  
"Yeah, we work hard on these," Zayn nods  
"I'm getting mine signed and framed," Louis adds. I roll my eyes at the lot of them.  
Thea periodically comes over to deliver me drinks. The boys introduce themselves, and Thea gives me a look, like 'do you realize with whom you are sitting?' To my great relief, they are all on their best behavior. At least, they are above the table. Underneath it, Niall keeps kicking me, and Harry and Louis, who sat on either side of me, are elbowing me in the ribs everything Thea looks at me. I'm sure to be bruised in the morning.  
"Jamie, Thea wants you," Liam says, after I finished yet another iced coffee. I'm going to be wired all night. Goody!  
"Last act," she mouths across the room, meaning me. Zayn nearly trips me-on purpose-as I stand up. I decide to get even with the lot of them. Striding onto the stage, I grab the mic.  
"Sorry folks, this is the last act of the night. And as such, I would like to invite my friend up to sing with me." I stare pointedly at Niall, who looks at first bewildered, then defiant, shaking his head wildly. Luckily for me, it doesn't take long for the rest of the boys to drag his ass out of the chair and pretty soon some one's handed him a guitar. He pulls the brim of his hat lower as he steps onto the stage.  
"I'm going to get you this, you know. You're a right arse," he whispers in my ear. I smirk.  
"You know Ingrid Michaelson?" I murmur. He nods, commandeering my stool.  
"Sticks and stones, Niall. Can you play 'You and I'?" Again he nods.  
"Have at it."

Niall strums the opening chords and I start to sing.

Don't you worry there, my honey  
We might not have any money  
But we've got our love to pay the bills  
Maybe I think you're cute and funny  
Maybe I want to do what bunnies do with you  
If you know what I mean  
Oh let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France  
Let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance  
Let's get rich and build a house on a mountain, making everybody look like ants  
From way up there, you and I, you and I  
(I nudge Niall with my hip. "This is where you come in.")

Well you might be a bit confused  
And you might be a little bit bruised  
But baby how we spoon like no one else (without really meaning to Niall and I both look at Liam, who covers his face in dispair at our utter lack of maturity)  
SoI will help you read those books  
If you will soothe my worried looks  
And we will put the lonesome on the shelf  
Oh let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France  
Let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance  
Let's get rich and build a house on a mountain, making everybody look like ants  
From way up there, you and I, you and I

Oh let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France  
Let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance  
Let's get rich and build a house on a mountain, making everybody look like ants  
From way up there, you and I, you and I

And the applause, the second most enthusiastic round of the night, escorts us off the stage. Niall returns the guitar to its owner and gives me a high five.  
"Pretty fun, huh?" He nods, smiling adorably.  
"We should do it again some time."  
"Don't push you luck, kid," I respond ruffling his hair.


	6. Chapter 6

"Hi," Harry holds me gaze, biting his lip seductively. "My name is Harry Styles, and I wrote a song about you. Maybe you've heard it? It's called 'You Don't Know You're Beautiful."

 

"Shut the front door!" I roar, cracking up. "Seriously, you have not used that line on a girl before! I refuse to believe it!"

"He's used it on me." Louis points out. "Twice."

"Stop, stop, I can't breathe," I gasp, tears of laughter streaming down my face. I swear, Skype may be the greatest invention ever. I haven't seen the boys in a couple of week since they left for some minor tour the morning after our coffeeshop take-over. Niall had drunk-dialed me late that night (it would seem that all of his coffees that night had been Irish...typical) to inform me that they were leaving on tour the next day and would miss me terribly. Incidentally, he had also warned me against trying to steal Liam, Louis, or Zayn's girlfriends. I think he may have even said something about bros before hoes, but it was hard to tell, since Harry was busy pulling him off the phone.

"Zayn, what have you got for me?" We were trading our favorite pick up lines, or monologues, in Harry's case.

"Are you from Tennessee," he does his flirty eyebrow thing, "'cause you're the only 10 I see." A beat of silence, and we all crack up again. Except for Zayn. Poor Zayn.

"What? What? I learned that in the States!" Zayn looks so confused. "What? I thought it was clever."

"Oh, honey," I snicker. "It isn't. Really, it's not at all. But thank you for playing."

"If you're so great, why you lay one on us?" Liam demands jokingly. Well, okay then.

"Hey Nialler," I start.

"Yeah?" He's using his girl voice on my behalf. How sweet.

"Do you know how I know you you're coming home with me tonight?"

Niall, who raided the minibar earlier in our call, needs a minute to process the whole question."No. How?"

I smirk through the webcam "I'm stronger than you."

"Ohh!" Zayn shouts, slapping Niall's back.

"I don't-oh," Niall laughs. "That's funny."

Harry pull the computer towards himself so he's the only one on my screen. "Hey Jamie-" Louis shoves him out of the way, knocking him off the couch.

"Nice shoes, wanna fuck?" Louis asks with a glowing smile.

"Oh my gosh, your face!" I laugh. "That was so priceless. Can we plaese do a chat-up lines Twitcam when you get back? We really only need that one right there."

Some one moves the laptop back so I can see everyone's faces again.

"So, Zayn, do you know what today is?" I ask, sombering up quickly.

"Ah, Tuesday?" Harry facepalms in the background.

"True. Unrelated, but true."

"It's your 20 day mark!" Harry cries. "You haven't had a fag in 20 days, right?" Zayn looks as though he's about to cry.

"I've never gone that long since I started them," he tells me, getting choked up.

"Aw, Zaynie-poo, don't cry!" Louis shouts. "Look we got you a present. Well actually, it was Jamie's idea; we just picked it up." Liam holds the bracelet with 3 beads out to Zayn.

"It's a sobriety counter, those are sobriety beads," I explain, as Harry ties it around Zayn's wrist. "Those are for your one day, seven days and 20 days sober."

Zayn really is getting choked up as he looks into the camera. "This is so awesome, Jamie. It seriously means the world to me."

"Well, don't cry about it, mate," I say, getting emotional, too. "It's the least I can do. You're the one doing all the work."

"Yeah, he goes through like six packs of gum a day," Louis teases, rumpling Zayn's hair proudly.

"You switched over to the nicotine stuff, right? So you don't get the headaches?" I badger.

"Yes, mum."

"Jamie, girlfriend question!" Louis sings out. And now on to an entirely different subject...

"Yeeeees, how may I help you?" I put on my best Indian customer-service voice.

"Eleanor, I like her, like a lot, right?"

"Are you in lesbians with her?" I ask seriously, without breaking character.

"In what?" Niall interupts.

"Niall, please go watch 'Scott Pilgrim vs The World' so we can be friends again. Because I can't talk to the uninitiated." I tell him in my normal voice.

"Anyway," I return to my accent and the task at hand.

"I dunno. Maybe. I think so. Yeeeeah, I dunno," Louis shakes his head.

"Well then what is the issue? I cannot tell you what you do not know." Zayn groans at my accent. "I can do this all night, you know," I tell him.

"If, when, I do figure it how-when do I say the 'L' word?" Louis asks.

Finally, I drop the accent. "You want my advice?" He nods. "I say it as soon as I know it to be true, more or less." Although to my credit, I don't always blurt it out at random. Always.

"For me, it's not that big of a deal. I was raise by parents who said it a lot. But pretty much once I know I love someone, I want to tell them. I want them to know too, regardless of how they might react." They're all nodding now, like a row of highly attractive bobbleheads.

"Wow. That's deep," Harry says. Louis nods in agreement.

"Where do you come up with this stuff?" Zayn shakes his head

"I'm just really good at loving people, I guess," I proclaim extravagantly, ruining the mood. "And as such, I am telling you it is time for bed! Don't you have to go sign whores or kiss babies or something tomorrow?" They laugh.

"Good night, guys." I say pointedly.

"Night Jamie!" They chorus, waving.

"Love you," I say absently to the black screen.


	7. Chapter 7

A few days later, Harry calls me, out of the blue. Since we all Skype at night, I'm somewhat alarmed.

"Hey, Hazza, what's up?"

"Get on Twitter," Harry instructs me.

"Wait, what? I've got-"

"Right now," he insists.

"What if I've got something to do?" I ask indignantly. I don't, but still.

"You don't," Harry replies impatiently. "Seriously, we're doing a Twitcam-well, Niall is-and you're to watch."

I shake my head, opening my laptop and pulling the page. "Alright, I'm on."

"See you in a moment. Or something like that." Harry hangs up, leaving me utterly confused.

The screen pops up, and there they are, Niall and Harry.

"Hi guys!" They wave. "The rest of the guys will be joining us shortly," says Niall.

"They're with thier girlfriends," adds Harry, making a face.

I roll my eyes.

"So, questions, for us, until they get here. Go!" Niall concludes. I fail to see why I needed to be here for this. I zone out and go back to folding laundry for a few minutes, until I hear the sounds of Louis, Liam, and Zayn returning.

"Okay, one last question," says Harry. "Ooh, Nialler, this one is for you: Who is you're man-crush?"

"Well, normally, I'd say Michael Buble, but I think I speak for all of us," he looks around, "that our current man-crush is One Direction's newest writer." Oh. My. Gosh. Niall is so dead.

Zayn and Louis are clutching each other in the background, pretending to freak out. " OMG, Jamie, we love you!" the five of them squeal.

"And as such, we thought we'd show you some posters we made our good friend, for a performance a few weeks ago." From underneath the couch, they whip out the bloody posters from the coffee shop. I am going to kill them. I will kill them all.

"Aren't they beautiful?" Liam asks.

"So yeah, we're all so pleased to have Jamie in our life, writing us songs about how great we are," Zayn tells the audience.

"Jamie has that one thing," Louis raises his eyebrow sugestively and winks into the camera.

"We love you Jamie!" Niall shouts, climbing over Liam. "Please don't kill us after seeing this!" Liam sings, shoving Niall.

"Bye everyone!" They all wave.

"You know 'e's gonna kill us, right?" Harry says before the screen goes blank. They are seriously the biggest fucking flirts on the planet. And they are all dead.

~~~

My damn phone wakes me up the next morning. I roll over and grab it off the table. According to the ID, it's Tony Stark.

"Zayn," I groan, connecting the call.

"Good morning to you, too, sunshine."

"Go to hell," I mumble, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. "So what can I do for you at this ungodly hour?"

"Jamie, it's after ten," he points out.

"I'm going to hang up," I threaten.

"Wait, wait! I just wanted to tell you that Perrie's coming by to pick you up in twenty minutes."

"What?" I shout, fully awake now.

"Yeah, we're playing nearby...sort of. I have passes and everything, and so you have to come. Danielle and Eleanor will be there too."

"Zayn, I'd love to, really, but," I run my hands through my hair, trying to figure it all out. "I just, I can't I've got a meeting at 12, and-"

"Tell Henry this is more important. Tell him it's for business!" He interupts.

"Is it for business?" I sigh, dragging myself out of bed to make coffee.

"Yeah, sorta. You'll see, just trust me, okay?"

"Fine Zayn, you win. If I lose my intership over this, though, you guys have to hire me. Or at least pay for a ticket home."

"You won't get fired, trust me." I can hear the grin in his voice. They're up to something, the lot of them, But at this point, I'm too tired to worry about it.

Clothes. I need to get dressed, pack a day bag, call Henry, eat something. But first, I need caffine.

Fifteen minutes later, I am dressed, caffinated,and ready to go. I call Henry, who is suspiciously supportive of my traipsing off, so I conclude the boys must have already spoken to him.

I lock up my flat and wait for Perrie out on the front step. I watch the cars cruise by, until one passes me, stops and turns back around. An attractive blonde rolls down the window.

"Hi, does a Jamie live around here? Jamie McKinnon? I think my boyfriend might have given me the wrong address."

I smirk, remembering yesterday's fiasco. Now everyone thought I was a boy. "I'm Jamie. Zayn sent you, right?"

She looks confused. "Yeah, I'm a girl," I laugh. "Did Zayn tell you I was a boy, or...?"

"Oh, I guess I just assumed, since..." her voice trails off as she blushes.

"Don't worry about it," I smile.

"Oh! I'm Perrie, by the way. Sorry about all that. Here," she opens the passenger door, "climb on in."

"Thanks for doing this," I say, buckling up.

"Oh, it's no trouble at all."

"Good, because, Zayn totally sprung it on me, so I was worried it might be an inconvience," I explain.

"Not at all," she reiterates, smiling. "Alright, concert starts in about two and a half hours, so let's cross out fingers for little traffic, eh?"


	8. Chapter 8

Exactly two albums later (Amy Winehouse's "Back to Black" and The Black Keys' "Brothers"), we arrive at the venue. Perrie and I talk a bit over the music, but mostly, she just seems excited to see Zayn, and I can hardly blame her. Finding a parking spot takes forever, and I can hear the noise from the fans even with the windows rolled up. I say a silent prayer of thanks that they're tinted, otherwise I think some of it would be directed at us. I was still an unknown, (by face anyway. After last night, you can be damn sure people know my name) but people were sure to recognize Perrie. She pulled on a ballcap (one of Zayn's I think) and grabbed a pair of shades out of the glove box.

"Ready?" She asks, gathering up her stuff. I follow her example, shoving my stuff into my bag.

"Let's dip-set," I confirm. Perrie gives me a funny look, and I wave off my own slang.

"Go," I explain. "It means roll out, leave; American slang."

"Oh." Perrie still sounds slightly baffled. "Here, this gets us in places." She tosses me a laminated pass on a lanyard as she exits the car.

 

Head down, she leads me across the car park and back towards the arena. She weaves expertly through the densely packed throngs of people, impressing me extensively. Small person that I am, moving through a crowd comes naturally, but with everyone intent on getting closer, this one is a bit trickier.

Suddenly, we're ducking under ropes and flashing our passes to muscular men with ear pieces. Some of them nod in recognition at Perrie, but I've never before seen any of them.

"Paul's just down the hall, he's been waiting for you." The guard holds open a door and ushers us inside. I nod my thanks. Perrie pulls off her glasses and hat, finally away from the crowd's prying eyes.

"I'm so excited!" she giggles, and it's like a transformation has taken place, just by being in the same proximity as Zayn. It's really cute, actually.

I'm excited, too, though for a different reason. I haven't seen the boys in weeks and I can't wait to work on some new material I've been writing. And also Spartan-kick them for the stunt they pulled last night. Preferably off the stage.

We pass by an open door and another buff man with a shaved head waves us inside.

"Perrie, how are you?" he asks gruffly, kissing her cheeks briefly.

"You must be Jamie," he says, turning to me. "I'm Paul, the boy's manager." We shake hands.

"It's lovely to meet you," I beam. I can feel the excitement, even now.

"Danielle and Eleanor are next door, and the boys should be by any minute now, they've just been in dressing," Paul informs us.

"Thanks," I nod, following Perrie out.

Perrie exchanges hugs and greetings with the two girls in the room.

Once they notice me, one of them bounces up and sticks out her hand. "Hi! I'm Danielle."

"Jamie," I smile, "the man crush."

"Oh my gosh, YOU'RE Jamie?!" the other one, Eleanor, I'm assuming, gushes. "That's a laugh! I'm Eleanor."

"Oh, good you've met the other woman in our life." At the sound of Liam's voice, we all whirl around. Danielle is wrapped around him .2 seconds later, as are Eleanor and Perrie when Louis and Zayn enter seconds later. My mobile starts going off, so I turn around to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Behind you!" Niall gives me a Horan hug from the back.

"Niall!" I turn around so I can give him a proper hug, which, of course, results in me being lifted off the ground. "I'm going to kill you," I say suddenly, my hands sliding up to wrap around his neck.

"Whoa, the lass is crazy," Niall laughs, setting me back down.

Before I can respond, Zayn has me in a headlock."You know you loved it," he taunts.

"No, I did not!" I try unsuccessfully to escape. "Are you not going to help?" I appeal to Perrie. This was her boyfriend, after all.

"Better you than me," she laughs.

"Super Harry to the rescue!" I hear from the door. His shoes come into view. "Oh, it's just you. I thought I was going to save Lou from Eleanor, or something noble like that." I attempt to kick him, and when that doesn't work, I attempt to kick Zayn. Also doesn't work.

"Maybe we should just...?" Louis says. Clearly I'm missing something here, unable to look up.

"Yeah, that seems fair," Niall agrees.

"What?" I cry, exasperated.

"Liam, if you would do the honors?" Niall asks. There's a pregnant pause. Not good.

Suddenly, I'm being flipped over Liam shoulder and carried out of the room.

"Nuh uh, no way, Liam!' I shout pounding on his back. It's hard to sound forceful when I'm trying so hard not to laugh.

"I can't hear you," he sings in falsetto.

"Niall, what is the meaning of this?!" I demand, as he follows us down the hall.

"What do you want most in this world?" Harry asks, catching up to us, Louis and Zayn closely in tow. I guess the girlfriends have been dismissed, or something.

"Emma Watson's marriage proposal," I reply, without hesitation. There was a collective snicker of appreciation.

"Alright, other than that?" Harry prompts impatiently.

"Emma Stone's?" I'm at a complete loss for the direction they're trying to point me, and we're going deeper into the building, which makes me anxious, for some reason.

"How about us, performing one of your songs...live?"

Zayn is making a joke, of course. There's like, so many avenues that would have had to clear this, like me, for starters. Contracts to be negociated, announcements to be made, music to be written, recorded and rehersed. The fans would have already found out; it'd have been all over Tumblr for days, weeks even. Goodness knows #1dlovesjamie had blown up over night, there's no way they could have kept something as big as a new single a secret from thier fans.

"Haha," I fake laugh. "Seriously, though. Where are you taking me? Because all the blood is rushing to my head." And then I hear it. Roaring, getting closer. Oh dear. What if they were being serious?

"I'm about to straight pass out. Put me down, fools." I demand. When Liam finally does, I look around.

"No way. You did not just bring me into your greenroom." This is a statement of fact, not a question.

"Oh yeah, this is happening," Harry reassures me. "Ginny, can you...?" A make up artist is on me before I can resist.

"No, no, no I am not...you're not taking me onstage." They seem to be forgetting that I'm not one of their fangirls, who greatest aspiration is to be onstage with One Direction. I want to write their songs, not be up there with them performing it.

"No, we won't make you do that," Liam reassures me, slightly guilty.

"Aw, Liam, you killjoy. It was fun to watch her squirm," Niall laments.

"I hate you," I say to Niall, before turning to Liam. "When I kill all of you after this, I promise to do you fastest."

"Thanks," Liam laughs.

I watch as the boys go through their pre-show routines and superstitions. Soon enough, they're being called away to some secret entrance location or something, I don't know. Luckily, there are huge screens all over the greenroom that show the stage and everything. Within a few minutes, they are all lit up; screaming, delirious fans providing the headache-inducing audio. I have a sudden rush of empathy for Nialler, who, like me, doesn't do big crowds well. I've had panic attacks in less frenzied masses. I shudder, relieved to be back here and not up front.

The show starts and it's awesome. Literally, I am blown away by charisma and stage presence these guys have. And of course, the singing is flawless. The go through the whole show, and I'm so wrapped up in it that I completely forget about them singing my song until one of the head-pieced men asks me to follow him.

"Just, here, please." He indicates a space just off stage, invisible to the crowd, but not the band. I listen to the last song with growing apprehension. Liam wouldn't lie to me, would he? Surely not. The song ends.

"So did you like the Twitcam last night?" Zayn asks the crowd. The response is deafening. "Brilliant."

"Well, we have a special treat for you," Louis says, causally wrapping an arm around Harry.

"Would you guys like to hear a new song? One that Jamie wrote?" Harry asks. Two things happen at that exact moment. My face is on the massive stage screens, like being filmed live, to catch my reaction (I.Will.Kill.Them). The crowd explodes. Imagine about a dozen jumbo-jets taking off simaltaneously. Yeah, nothing compared to this. I couldn't move an inch, so I stood there, being blasted by excessive fangirling. The only thing that moves the show forward is when the opening notes of the song fill the air, because no one wants to miss it.

It's nothing like the song I recorded in the studio, that first day I met them, and yet, it's exactly how it was meant to be. That first time was a mere whisper of the promise shown by the guys now. Niall actually has a major solo (talk about a plot twist), and the music...well, I am in awe. And tears. There's something so surprising and surreal about listening to someone else sing the word that I have so lovingly crafted, that I'm crying. For the world to see, since my face is still plastered all over the smaller screens around the hall. Oh well, the moment is too magical to care.

When it's all over (and the crowd goes off again, just as badly as before, the boys look over at me with the biggest grins on thier faces, like isn't this just the coolest thing ever? And honestly, it is. And then they see me crying and it's just too much and they rush off stage and sweep me into a group hug.

"You guys," is all I can manage to say, over and over again. They are sqeezing me so tightly, and then they're pulling me out onto the stage, and I'm laughing and crying and trying to resist. The crowd is freaking out, as per usual, at this point.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we you like to introduce you to pretty much the coolest girl on the block, our newest writer, Jamie." Harry says, with his arm wrapped firmly around my waist. Niall is on the other side, doing the same. It appears affectionate, but really, they're just trying to prevent escape.

Confusion and recognition collide as I am recognized at the man-crush. And I just go right on ahead and take a bow, because at this point, it doesn't really matter anymore.


	9. Chapter 9

"We'll be your wingmen. That's what you call it, right?" Harry asks. He, Niall and I are in a taxi, en route to a night club. The other three were off with their girlfriends.

"Hazza, it's mostly going to be straight girls. That's no fun," I whine. Actually, I'm lying through my teeth, because I club to dance, not hook-up, but I prefer to give the boys shit.

"Oh, right." He and Niall look at each other.

"Straight shower of cunts," Niall muses under his breath.

"I'm just fucking with you," I laugh. "I don't care where we go, you two just have to dance with me. And scare off the other males."

"You got it!" They agree, slinging arms around my shoulders. All things considered, the likelihood of any guy with a working brain hitting on me was low, but still. Some dudes just can't take a hint.

"So, where are we?" I ask as we climb of ot the taxi. And then all hell breaks loose.

 

For the first time in my experience, I am blinded by the flashbulbs of cameras. It's like they came out of nowhere. The everyone is shouting at us, asking a million questions a minute. I don't handle this well. I can feel my blood pounding, the heat rush to my face. It's hard to breathe, like all the oxygens being sucked away. I grab Niall's hand, because as much as I hate being touched right now, being seperated would be worse. Harry finds my other hand and I put my head down as they try to pull me through the madness. I'm focusing on breathing and not panicking when someone grabs me, attempting to do something, I don't know what. Maybe I was just blocking a shot or maybe it was that they wanted to see my face, but they made a mistake. I lashed out wildly, before Niall managed to get his arm wrapped around my waist.

"Out of the way!" I hear Paul shouting. I have no idea where he came from, but I'm relieved that he's there. Niall and Harry pull me along as Paul clears a path for us. Once inside the building, we veer off the left and Paul leads the way up a set of stairs, to a quieter space. I can feel the bass throbbing through the floor.

"Sorry 'bout that," Harry says, releasing me from his Vulcan Death Grip. He looks at me with concern. I guess I'm not hiding the panic feels so well. "Shit, you okay, love?"

I take a step back, working on my breathing, like my therapist taught me. "I'll be fine, I just need a minute," I say tightly. It's embarrassing to be seen like this, but all I want to do is curl up in the fetal position and cry.

"Just give her some space," Niall says quietly. In through the nose, out through the mouth. I glance over to see Niall's face looking pale, too. I give him a weak smile, remembering his claustrophobia.

"Come on skinny love, just last the year, pour a little salt, we were never here..." I sing Bon Iver's "Skinny Love" under my breath, to forcing my breathing back to normal. Music soothes the savage beast, and all.

After a little while I look up, mostly back to normal.

"Well, that was mortifying," I joke awkwardly.

"It happens," Paul shrugs.

"Yeah, don't worry about it. I understand why you wanted to avoid the attention now. I thought you were just being modest," Harry admits.

"Oh. well, now you know." I look at Niall, who seems calmer as well.

"Shall we?" he asks, exending and elbow. We link arms and I resist the urge to skip down the hall singing "The Wizard of Oz" with him. Nialler is just so cute!

Once we return to the club, I can feel the bass throbbing through my chest. Tonight is gonna be awesome; I am going to dance my fucking ass off and have fun with two of my guys.

"I wanna drink," Niall announces loudly as soon as we hit the floor. I roll my eyes. "Can I get you something too?" He inquires. His breath is tickling my ear, trying to make himself heard over the music.

"I'm good!" I shout. "It'll interfere with my dancing." He nods and leaves me with Harry to go embrace his Irish roots.

"Aren't you going to get anything?" I ask Harry, leaning in close.

He shakes his head. "I will later. Now, I want to dance with you."

I grin wickedly and pull him by the hand into the gyrating masses. This kind of crowd-packed together, pouring sweat, moving as one-does not bother me. The common objective, dance, unifies us. Nialler, bless him, is another story. Thus the drinking, I'm pretty sure.

I'm not being conceited when I say I'm a good dancer. I am a damn good dancer. Harry is moving beside me, attracting stares from nearby girls. He's cute; there's no denying it. I'm just enjoying myself, until Nialler shows up. If Hazza's dancing is cute, then Niall's is fucking sexy. I find this infinitely amusing and surprising, since he's normally such and spazz and/or goofball, clearly a little buzz doesn't impair his moves. Even I, lesbian that I am, have an appreciation. And of course, an intense need to one-up him. You know, just to remind everyone who the better dancer is.

We're facing off, and I'm sure to everyone who doesn't know the real story, it would appear that sex will be on the menu tonight. What can I say? I dance to seduce. And in the absence of interested females...

Oh, jeez. The tie is loosening, and I see Niall unbuttoning his shirt, which cracks me up. "Nuh uh," I yell over the music, trying to tug his hands away, still cackling. Harry's no help at all. "Every girl in this joint is going to be all over you if you do that."

"That's the idea!" He shouts, throwing his shirt open defiantly and giving me a "come at me, bro" face. I just shake my head and return to dancing.

Pretty soon, some ballsy girl is all up on Niall (unsurprising). Poor thing, he doesn't give her the time of day. "Sorry, taken," he says dismissively, moving closer to me.

I wince empathetically at her and get a dirty look in return, which Niall catches, as well.

"Shove off, ya cunt," he orders gruffly. I try to remain dignified and not giggle. It doesn't work. Meanwhile, Harry's over there, surrounded by females, having the fucking time of his life. Typical.

"I'm dying here," Niall announces, dragging me bar to the bar and ordering another Guniess.

"You as such a cliche," I tease, hip-checking him.

"I'll take a shot of tequila, too," he amends. I roll my eyes some more as he downs more alcohol.

"What can I get for you, love?" the bartender flirts.

"Water," I reply pointedly.

The tempo changes suddenly as the song ends. Slower music replaces the throbbing bass.

"Are they playing...a slow song?" I am utterly confused. "I thought that only happens, in, like, movies and shit." Niall seems to ponder it a moment, before setting down his glass and extending his hand.

"Wanna dance, princess?" And the hearts of millions of fangirls melt, I can't help but think.

"Yes, of course!" I take his hand and we weave our way to the middle of the floor. Niall pulls me in, unexpectedly close, his hands low on my back. I drape my arms acroos his shoulders and lean into his chest. All the girls I've dated were around my height or shorter, even, so it takes me a split-second to place the feeling of Niall's chin resting on my head.

It's so nice, just to be held like this. I can totally see where the straight girls are coming from with this whole thing. I mean, I slow-danced with my guy friends before, but not really like this. It's sweet.

And Harry is no where in sight. I close my eyes; we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whee! Drunk!Jamie was so much fun to write.

"Harry, help me out here," I appeal, trying to get Niall to stop drinking quite SO much. "Honey, you are gonna have a bitch of a hangover tomorrow." Niall rolls his eyes at me. "Don't roll your eyes at me!"

"I'm trying to balance out your refusal to driiiiink," he replies, throwing him arm around me.

"Hazza?" I look to him for help, but he just shrugs cheekily.

"I'm helping Nialler out." I bang my head against the wooden bar top in defeat. Niall grabs my head to stop me.

"One drink. That's all. And then I promise I won't have anything else tonight," he pleads. Oh, no, he's doing the puppy eyes. Damn you, Liam, for teaching him that.

I throw my hands up in resignation. "Fine. One drink." I turn to the bartender.

"I'll have a-"

"Uh, uh, uh. One drink of our choosing," Harry interupts.

This is going to end badly. I just know it.

 

"Give her the most potent shit you've got on tap, please," Niall requests.

"I hate you both." The bartender slides me the glass, smirking. "Don't you grin at me, you smug bastard; I hate you too." I snap.

I take a deep breath, not even wanting to know what's in the vile concoction before me.

"No chaser?" Harry asks.

"Chasers are for pussies," I respond, chugging the contents of the glass. It burns like a bitch, but I keep it down. Harry, Niall, and the fucking bartender are all watching.

I cough and excuse myself. I sit against a wall until I start to feel the effects a few minutes later. Well fuck, that was fast. I am such a lightweight.

I walk back up to the bar where they're waiting. "I do not fucking wanna know what was in that."

"Daaaaamn," Harry chuckles.

"Shut up, you curly-headed cunt," I giggle. "Let's dance bitches."

I grab their hands and drag them to the dance floor. "I feel like a whore," I grin.

"Why izzat?" Harry asks, leaning in real close.

"I'm dancing with two boys," I explain, holding up two, no wait, that's three fingers. "And I'm gay." It's really funny actually. I can't stop snickering.

Everything is just really nice and I love the boys soooooo much. Why did I think this was going to impare my dancing? Fuck that; I'm a brilliant dancer. I can even grind well! I don't even like to grind! That's really funny, because I'm grinding with Harry. I'm just moving, man. This is greeeeat. I don't have to do anything. The music is moving me.

Haha, oh look, there's Nialler. "Hi Nialler. I loooooooove you. Wai', where'd Hazza go?" He's no dancing with me anymore. Sad face.

"I cut in, Princess." Wow, his accent is so thick. I can't believe I can understand a single word he says.

"Am I royalty?" I tease. He nods exaggeratedly.

I tilt my head back until it rests on his shoulder so I can see his face behind me.

"You looove me?" I ask. "I love you, Nialler. Your like my little snowflake, 'cause you're so special. But shhh, don't tell Niall. He can't know that. 'll go straigh' ta hiz head." I grin. "And we can' have tha'." That'd be bad.

Niall blinks at me, and then I'm turned around, chest-to-chest with him.

"Ohithar," I refocus on his face.

Niall's mouth moves, but I can't understand what he's saying. Haha, accent. Oh. Niall is kissing me, which is weird because he was talking to me just now. Oh, right I'm supposed to kiss back. Haha, this feels fuuuuuunny. It's 'cause Nialler is a boy. I only kiss girls. Now I'm kissing and laughing. I tangle my hands in his hair. Gosh, the Nialler has such nice hair.

"I really like your hair," I whisper, breaking our kiss. "Also, I just kissed a boy." I'm really confused. "I kissed this boy." I tap his cheek.

"Yeah," he agrees, tipping his forehead against mine. Niall is grinning, and that makes me happy.

I think for a second.

"Oh, okay then."

I raise my eyebrow quizically. Ha that's such a greeeat word. "Are we gonna kiss summore?" I ask, curious.

Niall thinks hard. "Ah, yeh. I think so," he nods.

"Oh. Ok," I smile crazily at him and then yeah, we kiss some more. He's definitely still not a girl. This is wierd. Not bad, just interesting, in a detached sorta way. We're kind of dancing I think, but our faces are reeeeeally close and I can smell Nialler's cologne. Boy's smell so nice. They don't smell like girls at all. I don't know why, but it's sooooo cool. I wanna be a boy!

"You know, Jamie, I'm not all that drunk," he says.

"I am," I giggle. "I just kissed you. Tha' kin'a thing, it jus' don' happen naturally." Niall sighs.

"Aww, smile Nialler. I love your smile. Iz greeeat," I nod enthusiastically. He grins and kisses me really soft. "Niall kisses are nice," I tell him.

I don't feel so good anymore.

"I'mma have a sit, now. Where's Haz?" Niall pushes me in the right direction. Haha, direction. Niall is in One Direction. That's punny.

I can't find Hazza, so I just sit in an empty booth and put my head down on the table. It feels really nice. I drink some water and things stop swirling quite so much. I drink more water.

I kissed Nialler. Oh, wait I mean, he kissed me. That's bad, right. It seems like a bad thing. I need to consult Louis. He knows about such things. He's so smart. I dig through my bag and my phone starts ringing just as I find it. Oh! It's Louis. He is really smart!

"Hi, Louiiiiiiis! I was jus' about to call you!"

"Are...Jamie, are you...drunk?"

"Yes, actually. Quite. You sound funny, Lou." I sober up somewhat. "Louis, have you been crying?"

"Eleanor, and I-" his voice catches. "we're finished."

"Oh, Loubear," My heart is hurting for him. "Poor baby. I'm at the Funky Budha, inebriated and tasting of bad decisions. Can I just give you a lot of hugs? Because I'm really confused now, too. We need to have the talk."

"I'm gonna come pick you up," Louis says, all business-like. "Tell the boys so they don't worry, okay? I'll text you when I get there."

"Bye, Boobear. I love youuu." I hang up and find Harry to tell him about things. He promises to get home safely with Niall. Oh, Nialler. That's gonna be wierd when I'm sober.

I meet Louis at the door. "Hi, baby." I give him a sad hug.

"How's your night been?" Lou asks helping me into the car.

"They got me drunk and then I kissed Niall. Well, he kissed me, actually. Like, kind of a lot. So now I'm really confused," I shrug.

"Oh, Jamie, what are we going to do with you?" He reaches over to ruffle my hair and buckles me into the seat.

"Oh, thank you." We pull out into the street, driving in silence for a while.

"She quoted 'Tell Me a Lie'," Louis says quietly.

My brow furrows. "Which part?"

"The chorus." I replay the song in my head, trying to figure it out. 'Tell me anything, but don't you say he's what you're missing,' Oh. I see.

"Was she refering to Harry?" My hand claps over my mouth. I can't believe I just blurted that out. Bad Jamie! "I mean..."

"Yeah," Louis confirms tersely. "How did you know?"

"Gaydar," I nod sagely.

"Yeah," Louis says again.

"Does he...?"

"Know." Louis supplies. I nod. He doesn't say anything.

"Well, does he?"

"No! I just said that," Louis exclaims impatiently.

"Oh, I thought you were...nevermind." I'm stupid. "What are you going to do now?"

"Go home and cry, probably," he admits, bitting his lip.

Aww. "Want some cuddle company?" I offer. I don't know what else to do. The alcohol is getting to my head and I feel shitty again.

"I do," he whispers.

When we get back to thier hotel, we both strip down to our t-shirts and climb into his bed. For the rest of the night, Louis has sad feels, I drink water and we cuddle until we pass out.


	11. Chapter 11

"Jamie, wake up. Wake up sweetheart." I don't understand why Liam is yelling at me. His voice is echoing through my pounding head. I groan and roll over without opening my eyes, pulling the pillow over my head. Someone sticks their hand under the pillow to remove it, and I bite them. Not that hard, just enough to be left alone.

"She bit me," comes Liam's surprised voice.

I hear a girl chuckling. "I'll handle this, love. Go make us some tea." I feel Liam's retreating footsteps. Gingerly, someone pulls back the covers and sits on the edge of the bed, rubbing my back gently. "Jamie? It's Danielle. How are you feeling?" Oh, bless her, she's whispering. I very nearly fall in love with her right then.

"Moribund," I croak, removing the pillow. The light is blinding even through my eyelid, so I bury me head again. 

"Oh, sorry!" Danielle leans over and switches the lights off. "Better?" I open one bleary eye, then the other. "What's moribund?"

"In a death-like state," I rasp, suddenly conscious of my own urgent thirst. "I am never drinking again."

"Aww, poor thing," Danielle coos fondly. "I feel terrible about that, but you've got to get up, love."

"Please mom? Just five more hours?" I whine. Hey, I can be cute even when I'm hung over.

Danielle chuckles. "Unfortunately, the internet has exploded overnight and now we have a mess to clean up." Last night. I flash back, trying to remember what happened. The concert. Crying. The club. 

Oh, gosh. The club.  _Niall_. 

I actually sit up at the thought, despite the intensified pouding in my head. I feel like I am going to puke, and not just because of the hangover. Danielle looks at me with a mix of pity and concern. "Just tell me how bad it is." 

"Well, it's not a nuclear meltdown," she hands me a glass of water. "But yeah, a video of you and Niall, uh, together...someone leaked it. And now it's all over Twitter." I heard Liam re-enter the room.

"Did you tell her about the Modest! thing?" He sets a steaming mug of tea on the bedside table and pulls up a chair.

"What Modest! thing?" I groan. Liam and Danielle exchange a look, and she pats my arm.

"They want to meet up with you in order to discuss...some options, I suppose," Danielle explains. I drop my head into my hands. What the hell does that even mean?  I remember suddenly the latter part of my evening.

"Where's Lou?" I look up. "How's he doing?" Liam smiles sadly. 

"He's gone home for a bit. The break-up hasn't come out yet, I think the whole Niall scandal is giving him some much-needed time to process." Process? Wait does he know about the Harry thing, too? I eye Liam carefully, but no, he's just talking about Eleanor.

"So, anyway, Modest! Management wants to meet with you about...yeah, last night." Liam rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. 

"When?" I start sipping the tea, blowing on the steam.

"Less that an hour," Liam says appologetically.

"Ah, fuck me," I sigh in resignation. "Let's get this over with."

I climb shakily out of bed and stretch slowly. "Oh, and thank you guys for doing this. I so appreciate it. You're really sweet." I say, turning around. I mean, actually. It was like the most wonderfully compassionate way to break really bad news to a hungover sop like myself.

"I love you. Both of you." I grab them both around the waist in a tight hug. "I need to go be hygienic now," before grabbing a towel and disappearing into the bathroom.

Twenty minutes late I emerge, feeling less like a zombie and smelling less like bad decisions. I pull on a pair of jeans borrowed from Louis and rolled way the fuck up in the legs and rummage through Harry's sweatshirts before I find one that smells deliciously like him. Mmm. 

"Alright, I'm showered, dressed and ready to deal with shit. Oh, wait, no I'm not." Liam and Danielle look up from their spot on the couch where they've been waiting as I grab a bagel sitting on the counter. "Okay, now I am." 

"Good. Then follow me." Liam heads for the door.

"Here!" Danielle scrabbles up to toss me a pair of sunglasses and pulls my hood up around my face. "You'll want that. Good luck." She gives me a little squeeze and kisses Liam.  I'm grateful for the glasses in the brightly lit hallway.

Liam leads me down the hall and into the elevator.

Once the doors slide shut, I turn to him. "How bad is it? Are you guys really pissed at me? I feel awful about the whole thing. I'm just, like," I bang my head against the wall, "ugh, really confused right now."

Liam wraps his arm around me. "We're not mad, love. Mostly just worried. Niall is beating himself up all over the place. He holds himself responsible." I grimace. My baby. "I think he's worried that he might have ruined things with you." Liam confides quietly. My stomach drops in empathy. I wish I could talk to him now, but I guess that'll have to wait. 

The elevator doors open and Liam and I walk out. I follow him down a series of hall ways to a meeting room already occupied by several important-looking people. I'm suddenly painfully aware of my borrowed clothes and bare feet.

"Go!" Liam whispers in my ear, giving me a little push. Ah, shit. Here goes nothing.

"Hi," I wave awkward, walking through the door. They all stare at me for a moment, taking in my appearance. I can feel the judgement, lovely. I stand as tall as my 5'2" allow.

"Have a seat. You must be Jamie. It's nice to finally meet you." They all introduce themselves as I sit and I immediately forget all their names. 

They do a lot of talking and I do a lot of listening.

"Last night can go one of two ways. Obviously, it can be a mess that needs to be cleaned up. Statements will be issued and the publicity will be negative, but it'll still be publicity. Niall will get some slaps on the wrist from the public. As for you...well that's not inside our jurisdiction, but I would imagine the fan base won't be too pleased." Greaaaat. Just what I want hate from anonymous teenage girls for a drunken mistake. But I'm more worried about protecting Niall at this point.

"What's the other option?"

"Your sexual orientation isn't know to the public." I want to smack him, for how glib he is about it. Asshat. "So, our thought was you two could generate a load of positive publicly if you're presented as a romantic interest." They want me to date Niall? "It's about time he found a girl, and you're already neatly tied to the group." They want me to date  _Niall_? "We believe that this would be the best option for all parties involved." They want ME to date  _Niall_? "We're willing to let the two of you have input about the release of information and publicity."

"I'm sorry, but you want me to date Niall?" I'm still pretty lost. Why would...that just...IT LITERALLY MAKES NO SENSE.

"If you choose to. Or just pretend in the public eye. Whatever works for you. Niall seems to have confidence that you two could pull it off." Wait, Niall? My head is spinning really fast. So, Niall has already talked to Modest! about this? That's unexpectedly...responsible of him.

"So Niall's okay with this?" I ask.

"He suggested it. But he'll do whatever we decide on." I try not to think too much that last ominous comment. 

"Okay. I'll fake-date Niall..." I say slowly. It seems like something out of a bad fanfic, I swear. Well, I can kiss my chances with Thea goodbye for a while. Fuck my life, this is going to be so complicated. Everyone's gonna be all like, 'Jamie, you're gay. What the fuck is this shit?' I hope i don't have to kiss him. Ew. I don't think I can handle that sober.

"Excellent. We'll leave the release of that information up to your discretion." Great, thanks. I keep my snarky replies to myself. We shake hands and I leave as quickly as possible.

Once I reach the elevators, I slide down the wall and pull the e-brake. I need a moment to deal with this malarky. I bang the back my head against the wall over and over again.

"WHY?!" I yell. "Fuck." I sigh.


	12. Chapter 12

I leave the elevator at last, resigned to protect Niall and make this as easy on him as possible. I mean, this situation is less than ideal for the both of us, and he's got enough to deal with as it is. Liam is still in Louis's room with Danielle when I pop my head in.

"How did it go?" he asks sympathetically. I sigh and shake my head.

"Well, they aren't after my blood, and they aren't sending me back to the States. They just want me to be straight. And date Niall."

Bless him, Liam is out of his chair with a look of indignation on his face. "They can't do that! Aren't there discrimination laws or something?" I chuckle at his outrage.

"Niall is the one you should be worried about not me." I mean, really, if it comes out that I'm gay, what's gonna happen to me? 'Ooh, did hear that Jamie actually likes girls, but she pretended to be straight?' Because no one  _ever_ does that before they come out. Not. But Niall…if it comes out he's dating a lesbian, he'll never hear the end of it. And that scares me. Because he doesn't deserve any of it.

Liam points me in the direction of Niall's room and I take off down the hall, rehearsing the conversation in my head. When I reach his door, I find Zayn, slumped against it, looking drained.

"He's in a right state," Zayn confides quietly. "I've never seen him like this before. He won't answer the door."

Oh, boy. I am having mental images of Niall freaking the fuck out, running about and trashing the room with his nervous energy and/or angst. I bang on the door with my fist. "Niall!" 

"Go away!" he yells miserably. That little...

"Let me in, you little wanker!" I shout back, pound even harder on the door. "We're both fucked right now, don't make this any harder that it has to be." I really hope the neighbors aren't around right now.

No response from Niall. I turn to Zayn. "Do you have the key?" I ask impatiently. 

He shrugs and place the card in my hand "He's chained it shut. Can't get it more that a crack." I roll my eyes. Niall is just being immature now, and this has to stop. "Go get a wire coat hanger, please." If Niall would let me in, I'll just pick the chain from the outside. Zayn disappears, and I unlock the door. Sure enough, it gives about two inches before the chain catches. I press my face to the gap, but Niall is nowhere in sight. "I'm coming in. You'd better have some clothes on," I warn him, as Zayn returns with my requested item. 

With a practiced hand, I unravel and reshape the hanger to my liking, then slip it in the gap. After a few moments of fiddling around, I feel it catch on the bolt and ease the door shut and I slide the chain out. It clatters against the wall triumphantly and I swing the door open. 

"Here," I hand the dismantled coat hanger to Zayn and reach up on my tip-toes to kiss his cheek, "thank you." 

He gives me a hug and leaves me to my project. 

If I was expecting an erratic, frenzied Niall, what I was greeted by was quite the opposite. It took my eyes a second to adjust to the dimness of the room. Niall is nowhere in sight. I look around; the bedroom door is open, the tv off, the bathroom empty. I move around to the front of the couch, and there he is, curled up pitifully under a pile of blankets the must have dragged off the bed.

"Niall?" I ask gently. This version of Niall isn't one I've seen before, and to be honest, it's scaring me a little.

"Go away," he wails softly.

"Niall, what's going on? You're way more upset that I am about this whole thing. Is there something else happening I don't know about?" He make a miserable sound and I push him up against the back of the couch so I can crawl under the blankets with him. 

"Come here." I wrap my arm around his waist, the other curled against his chest. He snuggles up against me like a baby, and it's so adorable I almost cry.

"Baby, what is going on?" I ask again. 

"I fucked everything up," he whispers against my neck.

"Oh, honey, it was a joint effort," I laugh bitterly.

"What?" Niall mumbles.

" _We_  fucked everything up." I explain softly. "It take two to tango, yeah?"

"I just, I-arg, why am I so stupid?!"

"Nialler, I got raging drunk, kissed a straight boy, and then went home with a different one. At least that's your normal weekend. With a girl, I mean." He nods faintly.

"You just wanna cuddle for a bit?" I ask sympathetically. He wraps an arm around me in response, dragging my head under the blankets with him.

"Well, we're certainly off to a great start as far as fake dating goes," I joke.He offers me a weak smile in return.

 

We emerge from the blankets a while later. 

"Go shower," I instruct Niall, pointing him toward the bathroom emphatically. 

"Care to join me?" he teases. My eyes would disconnect from my brain if I rolled them any further back in my head.

"Go!" I give him a little shove and he winks at me. Cheeky sod.

Once I hear him entering the shower, I knock on the door. "You in the shower?"

"Yeah," He calls over the running water.

"I'm coming in." I take a seat on the lid of the toilet seat, separated from Niall by a thick sheet of white plastic. "So,  _babe_..."

He chuckles. 

"Can you explain to me why exactly we're dating of all things?"

"I just sorta panicked, I guess. I was worried they were going to deport you or some such shit. Obviously, I was still smashed."

"Obviously," I echo. "Well, clearly that kiss had a pretty potent effect on you." My joke is met with silence.

"Niall...?" 

I could practically hear him blushing.

"Niall! You didn't! You know I like girls!" I was struggling not to out-and-out laugh, but it was hard. I should feel guilty, but I'm more flattered than anything.

"I can't help it," he mutters.

I drop my forehead to my hands. "Niall, do you have a thing for me?" 

"Erm, maybe..." I shake my head slowly. This boy. What am I going to do with him?

"Well, you'd better get over it! Because otherwise this whole thing is going to torturous and I'm going to feel like a heinous bitch all the time."

"I know!" He shouts over the water. "Maybe you should stop being so fucking adorable all the time!"

"Well, that's kind of my job, now that we're "dating"," I argue.

I can hear him banging something against the wall of the shower in frustration.

"That had better not be your head!" I call.

"It's not." I hear the water turn off; my exit cue.

"So, where do we go from here?" Niall asks through the door. 

"Well I guess we've come to the fun part."

"Oh? And what is that?"

"We get to write our love story," I answer.


	13. Chapter 13

     "I'm starving," Niall whines. 

     "Whoa, plot twist!" I laugh. We've been sitting on his couch for nearly an hour now, sorting out the sordid details of our "love life". We decided that Modest! should leak Liam's video of Niall and I performing "You and I", to disperse rumors that Niall was just randomly hooking up with a member of their team. We invented a code for PDA, because I'm still not sure how I feel about actually kissing Niall, sober. Especially if he has a crush on me. Gosh, the last thing I want to do is mess with his emotions like that. Niall deserves a girl who can love him back properly. I really want that for him.

     Niall rewards my sarcasm with a pillow to head. I jump and dance around the room, shouting about dating violence, just to hear Niall's laughter. 

     "Get back here!" he yells chasing me around the small room, over the couch and through the door to the bedroom. 

"Can't catch me!" I leap on to the bed and start jumping. Niall takes a flying leap on to the mattress, grabbing me around the knees, and pulling me down on top of him.

"I win," I declare, perched awkwardly on his shoulder, before he throws me off of him and tips us over.

"No, I do," He agues pinning me to the mattress. I stick my tongue out at him. He just stares down at me.

"You know, I think we could really make this work," I say quietly, smiling. He nods in agreement, and I wriggle out of Niall's grip.

"Let's get you some food, yeah?" I call over my shoulder, grabbing a pair of his Nike boots out of the suitcase at the end of his bed.

"Hold up," Niall calls from the couch as I head toward the door. "Hey Lou…yeah, she's right here…don't worry about it...you too, here she is." Niall hands me his mobile. "It's Louis," he explains.

"Hey love, what's up?"

"Finally!" Louis sounds exasperated. "I have been trying to get ahold of you for hours! Where have you been?!"

Whoops. "Um, it's kind of a long story. Sorry 'bout that; I never heard my phone going off."

"That's because you don't have it." Louis sighs impatiently. I pat my pockets -empty- and look half-heartedly around the room. Nada. Whoops again.

"Yeah, I have no idea where it is," I admit sheepishly. 

"Luckily for you, I do." Louis tells me imperiously. I can just see his staring down his nose at me and my forgetfulness.

I decide to play along. "Dondé está?" I ask. 

"I have no idea what you just said, but you let your mobile at the club last night." Louis finally tells me. Considering your state last night, I can't really say I'm all that surprised. "It is currently in the possession of a lovely girl by the name of Aly. She picked it up for you last night."

"Oh, bless her," I sigh in relief. "Where is it now? Has she still got it?"

"I told her you would come by to get it today. Aly seems quite sweet; she was very relieved to have found the owner." Louis informs me.

"Did she know it was you?" I'm curious, suddenly, as to how likely she is to recognize me. I'm not especially concerned, but I haven't been on the web yet today, so who knows.

"Well, Louis Tomlinson isn't in your contacts, so no, I don't think she did." Oh, right, the alter-ego contact list. How could I forget?

"That's good. Did you get her address?"

"No, I thought I'd leave that up to you." Fair enough. 

"So, onto other topics, how are you?" I ask, lowering my voice slightly. Niall is pulling on a jacket over his tank top and urging me through the door. I follow him obediently, pulling up my hood as we exit.

"That's why I called." Louis' voice cracks vulnerably, surprising me with his sudden change in demeanor.

"Ah, baby," I whine sympathetically, my heart dropping. I want to reach through Niall's mobile and give him a hug.

"My life is such a wreck," he moans despairingly."I just wanna go to sleep until this whole thing blows over." I know that feeling all too well, that awful period after a chapter in life ends, leaving you in limbo before you can latch onto something new. It always felt to me like swinging on a pendulum across a vast chasm, my stomach dropping out.

"Feels like you're in free fall, huh?" I ask gently.

"Yeah," Louis murmurs thoughtfully. "That's it exactly. Like I'm in free fall." I make sympathetic noises, feeling utterly useless. "Can we have a face-to-face talk soon?" He requests softly. "I miss you."

"I miss you too Lou. I'll be in Doncaster as soon as I get  _this_  shit sorted out. I'm much rather be with you anyway."

"Speaking of which, how are you doing?" Louis inquires curiously.

I purse my lips in frustration. "Modest! basically decided Niall and I are going to date, in order to avoid 'scandal'."

Though the phone, I hear a loud smack of skin slapping skin as Louis no doubt face/palms. "Dafuq izzat," he mutters.

"Yeah, I know. Look, I gotta go babe, but I'll call you soon, once I get my phone back, 'kay? Love you!"

"Bye Jamie."

"Bye Lou." We hung up.

"What was that all about?" Niall asks, holding the elevator door for me.

"I left my phone at the club last night, when I ditched my common sense." 

Niall chuckles. "Someone find it for you?"

I nod in confirmation, hitting the button for the main floor. "Louis got ahold of her. The name's…oh! Aly, that's right. Aly. I'll have to call her after we eat so I can go pick it up." 

The doors slide shut. I slump against Niall with a groan. "Ugh, what am I doing with my life, Niall?" I moan melodramatically as he wraps his arms around me.

"I was wondering the same thing," he teases.


	14. Chapter 14

After securing massive quantities of Nando's, Niall slides his pone across the table so I call call Aly and get my own phone back. I dial my number.

"Hello, Aly?"

"Yes. Who is this?" She sounds immediately suspicious of me.

"This is Jamie, I'm finally calling about my phone." 

"Oh, Jamie, cripes, I was beginning to worry!" Her voice brightens considerably. "Yeah, let's get this sorted out."

I grin guiltily. "Thanks so much for grabbing it for me." I shudder to think what might have happened if the phone that had One Direction's numbers on it got into the wrong hands.

"Well, getting a call from Superman threw me off a bit, but he was quite lovely. Wouldn't tell me his secret identity, though, the wanker." I chuckle, deciding i like this girl a lot.

"Yeah, he does that. I still haven't the foggiest how he got onto my phone, the creep." I giggle. "So anyway, when can I take my mobile off your hands?"

"Well, I've got work in a couple of minutes, so maybe you could stop by and get it there? I work at Daiysha's over on Ninth and Wayland," she explains.

I've never heard of Daiysha's, obviously, but that isn't a problem. I can walk, or take the bus or something. I'm one with public transportation. "Yeah, that sounds good, I'll be by this evening sometime, depending how far away I am. Thanks so much!"

"No problem, love! I'll see you later."

"Cheers."

"Bye," she hangs up.

I turn to Niall grinning. "I have secured a location for the exchange, 007," I say in my best M voice. Niall chuckles. 

"Good. Now let's get back to the lads. We've got a signing in an hour." I help Niall gather the food wrappers that litter our table and head out. As we approach the hotel, we begin to see a crowd has formed. 

"They figured out where we're staying," Niall observes. It's mostly fans, not any paps as far as I can see.

"Are fans as bad as paps, crowd-wise?" I ask anxiously.

"Fans get more handsy," Niall answers nonchalantly. I chuckle darkly, that's to be expected.

"I'm not going to get mauled, am I?" I think about photo leaks on Twitter and how Dannielle and Eleanor and Perrie had dealt with hate.

"You should be fine," Niall sounds unsure, now. Well, considering he was "about as intimidating as a baby penguin" I wasn't surprised. 

"You wanna just call Paul first?" I suggest gently. Niall looks over at me and nods in relief. A few minutes late, Paul is instructing our driver around to a side fire exit, and I see Zayn's head pop out briefly.

"Ready?" Niall asks, grasping the door handle.

"Let's do this bitch!" We scramble awkwardly out of the door and break into a dead sprint for the door, Niall pulling me along by the hand. There are only a dozen of so fans this far from the main entrance, but we do attract some attention by the time we reach the door.

"Zayn!" I yell, pounding on the door.

"What's the password?" I hear Harry giggle.

"Styles, you motherfucker, I'll kill you if you don't open this door right now!" I yell.

"Password?"

"Tumblr, now let us in, you cunt," Niall growls and crowds start to gather and press closer. Niall shields me mostly from view with his body, one arm wrapped protectively around my waist. Finally, the door swings open and Zayn pulls inside.

"You two suck," I hiss at him and Harry, dusting myself off. Harry just laughs at me. I give him a sassy face and take the stairs two at a time back to Louis' room. Niall follows me a few minutes later. 

"Can I borrow your iPad? I need to look up directions to Daiysha's," Niall pulls it literally out of nowhere, which confuses me deeply, but I take it anyway.

"Thanks," I say, pulling up Google Maps.

"What's Daiysha's?" He asks flopping down on the couch.

"It's where Aly works. You know, the one with my phone."

"Oh. Where is it?"

I stop what I'm doing and turn to look at him. "Niall, really? If I knew where it was, would I be looking up directions?"

"Oh, right," he blushed.

"Just kidding," I laugh, turning back to the task at hand. "It's on Ninth and Wayland, where ever that is." The walking route finally pops up on the screen. "Here it is," I hold it up for Niall to see.

"That looks far," he says skeptically. 

"Oh, please, you amateur." I scoff, looking at the distance, 3.7 kilometres. I don't know how many miles that is, but I think it's about 2-ish. "That's nothing at all."

Niall shake his head at me in disbelief. "Aren't you worried about being, what did you call it? Mauled?"

"Naw. I'm not going to be with you guys, so I have no reason to worry. No one will recognize me." I shrug and lean down to give him a hug. "I'll see you later, yeah?"

"You should just come to the signing after. We'll tell Paul to bring you back, kay?" Oh, boy.

"I guess I could manage to make it to your signing," I sigh, as though it's such an inconvenience. I'll just get Zayn to text me directions, since everyone else is incompetent on that front (including me).

After half an hour of walking, and a couple wrong turns, I finally stumble upon Daiysha's. It's a quaint tea shop, selling bubble tea to tiny, cramped tables with dim lighting and smoky incense. Not exactly my scene, but I can appreciate the aesthetic. I approach a cute girl a few years younger than me, holding menus. "Hi, I'm looking for Aly?"

"Jamie?" I recognize her voice, though it sounds different than it did over the phone. I grin, nodding.

"Oh, good," she sighs in relief, "I'll just nip back there and grab it, alright?" She disappears through a shimmering cascade of hanging beads. Moments later, she returns, mobile in hand. "Here," she smiles, handing it to me.

"I wish I knew how to pay you back properly," I admit.

Aly just laughs. "Forget about it! It was no trouble at all." 

Still, I feel like there should be something. Oh well. "Thanks love," I say giving her a quick hug. "I'll see you around." And with that, I'm out the door and away again.

Once Zayn has texted me, I learn that the signing is actually happening in a conference room in the hotel. Well, fuck me. That's going to be utter insanity. I just hope they have a separate entrance for Directioners. 

Fuuuuuck, I really need to call Lacey. Lacey is my best friend from college. We met two years ago, and she's my go-to girl for such nonsense and shenanigan as my life. I'd been keeping her updated on the song-writing, since she actually knew a lot about One Direction.

"Hey Lace,"

"Jamie, is that you? Shit, what time is it?" I glance down at my watch, working out the time zone difference. 9 am.

"Aw, shit. Did I wake you up?"

"Yeah, you crazy bitch," she yawns. "Just kidding, what's up?"

"Umm, yes, well. About that. I might have drunkenly made-out with Niall Horan last night," I murmured.

"Please tell me you're serious," Lacey is suddenly wide awake. "Because you just became my personal hero."

"Oho, it's gets better," I tell her darkly.

"You didn't make out with Harry too, did you? I don't think we could be friends anymore if you did."

"No, Lacey, it's not that," I smile despite myself, because she is just so typical Lacey. "Uh, well, you know how you have all those theories about management running their lives?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, it's all true."

"I'm not sure I follow," Lacey says slowly.

"Well, basically, someone leaked a video of Niall and I and so to avoid scandal, Niall is now my fake boyfriend." 

Lacey starts cracking up. "Shut up. There is no way. That is just too cliched. You are living the fucking dream, girlfriend." As usual, Lacey can make me laugh over nothing at all.

"Yeah, well. I feel like it's being wasted on me. You know, since I have no interest in getting in his pants."

"Oh, cruel fate," Lacey laments.

"And I'm still working on figuring out how to make Harry realize he's perfect for you. But everything I come up with seems awkward, so you should just fly out here."

"I would if I could," Lacey sighs.

We chatted for a while longer until I reached the hotel's street. 

"Holy shit, Lace, the line of girls LITERALLy goes around the block. I've gotta go, I'll talk to you later, okay? Love you!"

"Love you too, Jamie. Behave yourself, okay? Bye"

"Bye!"

I text Zayn that I have returned, and pretty soon, one of Paul's lackeys is escorting me through the building. I raid the snacks machine before I enter through the signing area's back door, so Niall won't have to be starving.

Inside is an overwhelming clusterfuck of teenage girls freaking out. I'm more than a bit put-off, but ever more impressed by the boys signing away feverishly. I notice a sign  has been taped to Louis's empty chair, stating that he's left for a family emergency or some such excuse. I watch the boys at work for quite some time, inconspicuous in the background, until I remember the Doritos in my hand. I silently step up behind Niall, motioning to the fans in front to stay quiet, and dangle the bag of crisps directly in his line of sight. He reaches up and snatches them out of my hand immediately. Then he turns around to see me, and twists in his chair to give me a hug. 

"Is that your girlfriend, Niall?" one of the fans asks. I'm not sure I like her tone, and it makes me nervous.

"That's Jamie," Liam explains. "She's just awesome, is all. Here you go," he hands her the signed poster and starts to sign the next as I fade into the background again.


	15. Chapter 15

When I check my phone later, I notice that Aly had added her name and number in my contacts, which makes me smile. I've been thinking that if she likes One Direction, I could get her front row seats or something. I'm sprawled across one of the couches in the back of the signing area when the boys come over for a quick food break.

"My hand is bloody killing me," Zayn groans, cracking his wrist. I can only imagine how sore their hands and faces must get, between the all the signing and smiling. I give him a sympathetic smile as I sit up, patting the space next to me.

"This man needs 20cc of pizza, stat!" I bark dramatically at one of the assistants hovering about. She gives me a mock salute and brings over the box as the rest of the boys settle around us; Niall on my other side, Liam next to Zayn, and Harry lounges casually across our laps, wriggling until all of our limbs are tangled together.

"Here, Zayn, eat with your left hand and give me your right." I hold my hands out and he places his sore one in mine. "I'm going to give you the hand massage of your life," I tell him, lacing our finger together and digging my thumbs into his palms. Instantly, Zayn is whimpering in relief.

"Don't stop!" he begs, and I grin indulgently.

"Me next!" Niall shouts though a mouthful of pizza.

"Niall, I'm right here. I can hear you." I tap the side of my head against his, since my hands are occupied.

"I want one," Liam holds up his hand as well.

"Me too," Harry adds.

"No! I'm not sharing!" Zayn put me in a possessive headlock, and I laugh, my face buried in Harry's chest. 

"Release me, fiend!" I demand playfully, and Zayn complies. Niall and Harry are feeding each other, which unnecessarily complicates matters, but they're enjoying themselves. Liam is tearing into his pizza like he hasn't eaten in days, but then, pizza is his favorite, so I shouldn't be surprised. When I finish with Zayn, I move on to Niall, and work my way through all of them.

"So, when is this jaunt over?" I asks Liam, leaning across Zayn.

"I think we have, like three more hours," Liam says around a bite of pizza.

"Mi dios," I mutter, incredulous. "I'm going to go call Lou in a bit, I think, see what if he's feeling any better."

"Yeah, the fans are really bummed that he's out sick," Harry nods, and I can't quite read his voice. I'm more eager than ever to call Lou, so when the boys get back to the signing, I slip out and return to my room.

"Louis?" I cradle the phone against my ear as I strip out of the borrowed clothes and climb under the sheets of my bed.

"Oh, good, you got your phone back. I miss you."

"Aw, baby, I miss you too," I smile sadly. "How are…things? We haven't really talked properly all day, and there were a lot things I wanted to talk to you about." I think about what he said, about the break up, and about Harry. Reflecting back all day, I wasn't really surprised, I was just worried, for him. Because as much as I like to tell myself that being gay isn't a big deal, that it doesn't and shouldn't matter, the fact of the matter is that most people don't feel the same way.

"You're thinking about me and Harry, aren't you?" Louis says softly. I nod, even though he can't see me. "Yeah, I am too."

"How long?" I ask. "When did you notice there was something different?"

"Hell, I dunno," Lou sighs. He sounds exhausted, and I can tell this is most of what's been on his mind since last night. "I guess always. Like, I always knew, in the back of my mind. 'Cos I'd never felt this way about anyone else before. And I just sorta brushed it off, like I'd found my absolute best mate ever, and that he was a kindred spirit or whatever. Some sort of mystic crap like that."

I grin, because I can tell from the way Louis's trying to be so casual that he's thought about this a lot. "Yeah?" I say patiently. Louis's just getting warmed up, I can tell.

"And I mean, it's not like I want to have sex with the bloke. I mean." There is a long pause. "No, definitely not. But I just. I dunno, there's something there. And I know you can see it and Modest! can see it and every ruddy fan out there can see it, too." I wait some more, breathing in the silence. "And, shit Jamie, I'm talking too much, aren't I?" 

Finally, I speak; slowly, letting myself test out each word before continuing. I'm quite sure I must sound like Harry. "You didn't talk to anyone about this." It's not a question, but a statement. "Not Zayn, certainly not Harry, not even your mum. So why me? Why now? I'm just some girl you've known for what? a month? six weeks?" (Had it really been that long already?) "I want you to consider why we're having this conversation," I instruct, letting Louis mull it over. I'm sure it's not the response he was expecting; Lou likes answers and knowing and closure. But I think his motives for talking to me are far more revealing than my own thoughts on the matter.

"Because I feel safe bring this stuff up with you, I guess."

"Okay," I nod slowly, considering. "But why me? Surely with all the shippers out there, you've talked about homosexuality before. And when you first met me. And, I mean, it's in the media. It's on the news. I know you've met people," I prod.

"Yeah, but," Louis is struggling to figure it out. I already have a pretty good idea, I've been through the whole process before, but no one was there with experience to help me, so I'd had to figure it out on my own for a long time. Actually, I had to practically prove to people that I wasn't straight, when i was just barely sure of it myself.

"Because you're…you. "

"Because I'm gay. It's because I'm gay, isn't it? There's no shame in that, I'm not offended," I reassume him.

"Yeah, I guess." Louis admits, like he hasn't known it all along.

"Well, we didn't know it at the time, but the first girl with whom I felt comfortable exploring the lesbian themes in my life is bi. I must have sensed it somehow. Geez, I had such a crush on her. Didn't even realize it until years later." Louis chuckles, snapping me back. "Anyway, enough about me. You're telling me this because you know that I'm comfortable with you maybe being a bit queerer than we all initially thought."

"Well, and with you, I don't have to worry about you thinking there's some sort of awkward sexual tension, innit?" I had considered that as well. 

"Yup. Would there be sexual tension with the boys?"

I'm pleased by the silence that greets my question; he's actually thinking over the answer. "Yeah. Definitely with Harry, that was there from the start, I think. But, I dunno about the rest of the lads. I'm pretty sure they're all…"

"Straight," I supply.

"Yes. That."

"But you've had past girlfriends, right? I mean you thought you were in love with El a couple of weeks a- ah, oh," I understand, suddenly. "You weren't talking about El, were you?"

"Stop looking so smug, I can hear it in your voice. But yeah, that. I mean, Eleanor, and Hannah-the one before her-they were my best mates. And I didn't really mind kissing them. I mean it was fine, like Liam and Zayn kissing, I guess." Wait, Liam and Zayn had kissed?! I filed this away for further contemplation. "But the idea of sex is…foul, honestly. Such a turn-off."

"You're a real class act Lou, you know that? Louis Tomlinson, the gold star gay." I shake my head, smiling.

"Gold star? What are you on about?" Louis sounds put out.

"It means you've never had sex with a girl before you started with boys. I'm a gold star lesbian." I explain.

"I don't even know if I, you know, am..."

"Gay?" I remember how long it took me to be able to say that word, especially in reference to myself. It just seemed like such a big commitment. "You're confused. I get that. You really shouldn't worry about labeling yourself until your ready, okay Lou? Just focus on you, yeah?"

"Right. Hold on," Louis is holding the phone away from his face, so I can hear his side of the conversation from far off.

"Lottie, no, I'm on the phone."

"Why can't you use the landline? It's  _my_  mobile!"

"No, just-no," there's a scuffle and running steps and a slammed door and someone else is on, panting slightly.

"Hi." It's a girl, must be Louis's oldest little sister, Lottie.

"Uh, hi," I say, because I'm not entirely sure what's going on.

"What's wrong with Louis? He's acting funny and I don't know why. Can you tell me please?" Oh my gosh, she is too cute. She must be about 14 or 15 at most, and I can hear Louis pounding on a door in the background yelling at her to open up.

"Hi Lottie, Louis's fine. I know he been a bit odd…well more so than usual, but he'll come around in a bit."

"Promise?" I can hear it in her voice, that she really wants to believe me. Clearly she thinks the world of her big brother.

"I'll tell you what. Let me give you my mobile number and you can give me a ring if you start to get worried again, okay? How does that sound?"

"Deal." I recite the number and had her repeat it back to me until she's got it memorized, since she neglected to bring a pen into the bathroom with her. 

"Alright, got it. Cheers, Jamie. And thank you,"

"Any time, Lottie. Don't forget to give Louis his phone back." There a click as she hangs up and then silence. I sigh and roll over, shutting off the lights for bed.


	16. Chapter 16

The next day we return to London. I camp out in the back seat of the van, a very hung-over Harry dozing in my lap. There is a drool stain by my knee that I will give him crap for later, but for now he can sleep. I'm texting back and forth Lacey and Aly. Lacey is bitching about work and the lack of public transportation in her neighborhood. And I'm gloating about Harry napping on my lap, just to taunt her, because I'm evil.

**Hey Lacey, hey Lacey, guess what**

_What?_

**He's drooling on me**

_I hate you. Like, so much right now. Seriously Jamie, this is not okay._

**Oh, shut up, you know you love me. Just like Harry**

_I am done with you and this conversation. Goodbye, peasant._

She won't respond to any of my texts after that, but that's to be expected, I suppose. So I switch over to Aly. We'd been texting most of the morning while the boys were supposed to be packing.

**Alyyyyyyyyyy**

_Hi love_

**Help me Aly, I'm trapped in a glass box of emotion…**

_What?_

**Jk, it's a white van. Without any windows. And the driver is wearing a mask.**

_Should I be worried?_

**Maybe a bit. idk, I'll get back to you about that after he stops yelling about ransoms. Weirdo**

_Lol, you're so strange_

**Actually, I'm "special". At least that's what the doctors said.**

_I'll bet they did_

**So I've decided how I'm paying you back for saving my mobile from doom and/or destruction**

_Ooh, do tell_

**How do you feel about the band One Direction?**

_I fancy the blonde one, Niall, innit?_

Oh, my gosh, this is just too perfect.

**Yeah, Niall. Look would you have interest in going to one of their concerts. I may be in a position to acquire backstage passes and what not.**

_Don't mess with me like that Jamie, it isn't fair_

**I've never been more serious in my life. Idk when the next show is, but I'll let you know, okay?**

_Cheers. You're the best ever!_

We hit a sharp bump in the road, jolting Harry awake.

"Wha's goin' on?" He mumbles blearily. 

"Nothing," I smile, running my fingers through his curls soothingly. "You need a hair cut, though. Go back to sleep,"

"A'ight." He curls back up in my lap and closes his eyes. He looks so innocent that I can't resist snapping a photo on my mobile. I send it to Lacey and Louis, just because.

***

When we get back to London, I call Louis, only to find that he's already returned and waiting for us.

"I brought Lottie down, since it's the weekend and I never get to see her anymore," he informs me. "She wants to meet you in person."

"Well, where are you now?" I ask, gently shaking Harry awake.

"Zayn's place."

"Oh. Alright." I relay the message to the driver, who adjusts his route accordingly.

Everyone piles into  Zayn's den and Lottie and I are introduced. 

"I'm starving," Niall announces, from his space lounging across Louis's lap. 

"Oh, shut up you," Louis chuckles, pretending to shove Niall off of him.

"Nose goes for finding food!" I shout, my finger flying up to my nose. The boys give me blank stares. "Seriously?" More confusion. "The last one to touch their nose loses," I explain. Immediately, they touch their noses, except for Zayn and Harry, who are struggling to prevent the other from winning. 

"Looks like Zayn and Harry have to feed us now!" They groan collectively. "Oh for fuck's sake," I sigh. "Just go pick up the stuff for pasta and  _I'll_  make dinner. You lot are so lazy."

"Thanks, Jamie," Harry nod as he drags his long frame upright and lumbers off to find his shoes, Zayn close behind.

"I'm bored," Louis whines, slithering across my lap and batting his baby blues up at me.

I shoot Lottie a look, like 'do you see what I have to deal with?' and she nods along with my mock suffering.

"What do you want from me?" I ask Louis.

"Entertainment. I desire music," he announces grandly. "Niall, fetch the guitar!" Niall grumbles, but of course he complies.

"I've always wanted to learn guitar," I comment thoughtfully.

"I'll teach you!" Niall brightens at the prospect. "Budge up," he says, nudging Louis with his knee. Louis obediently rolls off my lap and onto the floor with a loud thump. "Come here." Niall pulls me onto his lap and settles the guitar across my legs. I lean back against his chest, smiling as he shows me the fingerings for a few chords.

"You two are revoltingly cute, for a non-couple," Louis says. I look up to see Liam with his phone out, filming us. I stick my tongue out as Niall flips him the bird for good measure.

"Lottie, make him shut that thing off," Niall requests, before guiding my hands over the strings of the guitar. I strum, and like magic, it makes music. Granted, Niall is actually holding down my fingers in the proper spots, but still, I feel accomplished.

By the time Harry and Zayn return with food, I've limped through the first verse and chorus of Justin Bieber's "Baby", because Niall swore up and down that the chord progression is super simple. I think he has ulterior motives, but I keep my conspiracies to myself.

"Feed us…" Haz and Zayn moan, dragging their feet all zombie-like. I roll my eyes and clamber out of Niall's lap.

"Thanks for the lesson, babe," I say, ruffling his hair on the way past.

30 minutes later, the kitchen is being swarmed by hungry teenagers. 

"It's not done yet!" I exclaim, swatting Harry away for the pasta sauce with a wooden spoon.

"But it smells so goooood," he whines.

"Liam, can't you get them to set the table or something? Make yourselves useful! Lottie, can you," I glance over to the oven, but she is already pulling the garlic bread out. "Oh, thank you, darling. Lottie can stay. The rest of you: out!" The boys shuffle out, leaving Lottie and myself to finish. She tosses the salad as I pull things off of the stove and set them on the counter to serve.

"Are you quite finished?" Louis calls impatiently from the living room.

"Shut it, Tommo!" I reply. "We good?" I ask Lottie, who surveys the spread and nods in approval. "You want to call it?"

"Dinner!" Lottie shouts, banging a spoon against an empty sauce jar. Somehow, in the chaos that ensues, everyone manages to get food and find a place to sit in the den. Liam puts on a footie match and we all eat in relative quiet, except for the occasional outburst for Niall or Louis, commenting on some call or play. It feels like home, in a funny sort of way.


	17. Chapter 17

Days go by and things become normal-ish. On Tumblr, the rumors were swirling around for a bit, but as usual, things blow over pretty fast without further fuel to feed the fire. Still, I'm glad I don't have a Twitter account, because people are way easier to find on there, and even though I refuse to go on it, I get the impression that rumor mill doesn't die down quite as quickly. I relish in my relative internet anonymity. 

And then it happens. I'm not entirely sure when, but I am almost positive the Modest! is to blame for the leak this time. The video of me and Niall singing at the coffeehouse goes viral and just a week after of the first onslaught of rumors, a second wave comes crashing down around my ears. Lacey is the first one to let me know.

_I'm assuming you didn't post that video, but it's really cute._

**What video?**

_The one with you and Niall singing? When is it from?_

**Fuck. Fuck. Fuck shit shit shit. Goddamn it. That wasn't me, but I thought we had the only copy of it. Fuck.**

_Oh, sorry babe. You get that sorted out, okay? Love you xox_

Niall, and the rest of the lads are off doing some photo shoot or something, I don't know. It's a Tuesday for the love of - well, no matter. My phone is ringing and the caller ID tells me it's Danielle.

I pick up immediately.

"Hey, Danielle."

"Oh, good, you picked up. I just saw the video. You didn't put that out, did you?"

"No. Someone leaked it without our permission." I try to suppress the defensiveness creeping into my voice

"Damn, I'm so sorry Jamie. Look, Perrie and I want to take you out for lunch and a chat, alright?"

"Yeah, okay. I don't think I want to deal with this on my own right now."

"We'll be by in a few minutes. You know Perrie's car, yeah?"

"Sound good. See you then."

"Lovely."

We hang up and I stare out the window at the grey sky before pulling on some clothes. I glance in the mirror and make a face at myself as I hear the doorbell.

"Coming," I call, flying down the stairs.

"Hey Jamie," Danielle pulls me into a quick hug and leads the way to the car.

"Hi love," Perrie greets me brightly, "Just toss the shit in the trunk," she waves a hand at the backseat, littered in empty cups and cracked CD cases and various articles of denim clothing.

"So, where are we headed?"

"That depends." Danielle twists around in her seat to answer me. "What are you in the mood for?" 

I think for a moment. "Soup and sandwiches?" I ask hopefully.

"Ceres it is!" Perrie cheers, taking a hard left. The wheels squeal on the pavement and I lean hard into  the door.

"For Chrissake, Perrie!" Danielle scolds, but she's laughing.

"Sorry 'bout that. Some might say I'm a bit of a reckless driver." Perrie addresses me in the rearview mirror.

"Last time I rode with you, you were fine," I note skeptically.

"I was under strict instructions from Zayn and the boys to drive extra safe if I didn't want them to send a driver." Perrie grins. "Gaaawd, I'm starving!" 

Somehow, miraculously, we arrive in one piece to Ceres, which is this cute cafe in a side alley. We order at the front counter and find seat tucked away in the back.

"So." Danielle and Perrie look at me with this kind of intensity that begins to worry me.

"Am I in trouble?" I ask cautiously. That breaks the ice as they burst into laughter.

"Oh gosh, no!" Perrie exclaims.

"Good. Because you two looked like you were about to stage an intervention."

"No. We actually," Danielle glances at Perrie, "wanted to give you the girlfriend talk." I raise an eyebrow skeptically. "Look, we know this isn't necessarily real, but the fans won't know that. And they're going to send you hate." Perrie nods in agreement.

"So…what? What is- why are you…?" I let my question hang.

"Because," Perrie leans forward earnestly, nearly knocking my water over, before Danielle catches it, "we like you, and we want you to know that we've got your back." She shrugs. "You know, because we go through it too."

"Cyber bullying." I muse aloud. "Lovely. Thought I was done with that shit back in junior high. Guess not." 

Danielle offers me an apologetic smile. "Just stay off Twitter. That's where the worst of it is. And don't get me wrong, most of their fans are so lovely. It's just some of them are…"

"Horrible slags." Perries fills in. Danielle jostles her arm, looking vaguely scandalized, but nods in agreement.

"Cool," I deadpan. "Sounds exciting." Well, I've always tried not to let other's opinions of me carry too much weight. But this still sounds a bit daunting. Fuck.

"You look stressed," Danielle observes. "Let's talk about something else. We just wanted to warn you and stuff." So we did.

I asked Danielle about her current projects as a dancer and Perrie about Little Mix. They asked me about how I ended up here and if was true that I could imitate any accent I heard. Perrie is absolutely hysterical and Danielle is sweet and intelligent and unfortunately very straight, which is good for Liam, because otherwise…No, bad Jamie!

I don't check my phone until we leave, and then I see three missed calls. I listen to the messages; Niall's thick accent sounds increasingly alarmed.

"Hi Jamie. I just saw that our video was leaked. That wasn't you, was it? It wasn't me, I promise! Just call me when you get this, alright?" Click.

"Jamie, me again. Are you okay? You're not home, but the place is swarmed by the paps and I'm worried. Please just call before you go home so we can send someone for crowd control." Click.

"Where are you? No one knows where you are. The lads think you've been abducted by the paps for interrogation, so please call or text me. Er, you're not angry with me, are you? I'm sorry. Okay, well call me. Bye." Click.

I bite my lip and quickly dial Niall's number.

"Jamie," he sighs in relief. "Hey darlin'. Where are you?" 

"I went out to lunch with the girls. We were at Ceres. Sorry to worry you, babe," I apologize. "My phone was on vibrate in my bag. One second," I cover the phone with my hand and turn to Perrie. "Niall says the paps have descended upon my flat." Perrie nods thoughtfully.

"You could come to Liam's and my place," Danielle offers. 

"Would that be okay?" I ask, gratified. "I really don't want to impose." 

Danielle nods firmly. "I think it's  the best option at the moment. Wait out the paps for the afternoon, at least. I've got rehearsal, but Liam is going to be home for the afternoon, I think."

"Okay, if you're sure it's fine." I turn back to my conversation with Niall as we climb into the car. "I'm going to Liam's flat for a bit, to wait out the crowd." I hear a whoop in the background.

"Liam's excited," Niall explains, laughing. Oh, good.

"I can't imagine why," I joke. There is a long pause. "Niall?" 

"Can I, uh, take you out tonight?" Oh. It catches me off-guard; his question. I tread cautiously.

"Yeah, of course. Are you asking me on a date, Niall?"

"Er…"

"Like, I mean for the media? Or just the two of us hanging out?" Another long pause. I can practically hear him considering.

"Both? Neither? I dunno," he says finally. "I'm not used to dating, fake or otherwise."

I laugh softly. "Okay Niall. Just tell me if I need to wear nice things."

"Will do. I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Yeah. Love ya." The words slip out without really thinking about it. I love people easily, and after what, a few months? I could confidently say I love Niall, platonically.

"Y-you too," he's surprised. But Niall sounds pleased. "Bye, babe."

I hand up, smiling. 

"What's with the smile?" Perrie demands, jamming the breaks at a red light.

"My fake boyfriend is really cute, is all," I grin. They laugh.


	18. Chapter 18

"Liam, we're home," Danielle sings out, opening the front door of their flat. "Just kick you shoes off," she instructs me, gesturing vaguely to the side of the hall.

Liam bounds through the doorway and grabs Danielle, planting a kiss on her lips. "Hey babe. I missed you."

"Ahem," I clear my throat, pretending to be affronted.

"Oh hush, you," Liam teases.

"Where's my kiss?" I demand, pouting. Liam responds by putting me in a headlock.

"Liam, I thought I taught you how to give a proper hug, you twat," Danielle pats his bum on her way past. "You're doing it wrong."

"Yeah, Liam, you're hugging me wrong," I echo. 

"That's enough out of you," He catches me off-balance and swings me over his shoulder, before following Danielle.

"I'm so far from the ground," I whine. "I miss you, floor!" I wiggle around, until I'm draped across Liam shoulders.

"You look different," Danielle notes as Liam enters. "Is that a new scarf?"

"Just got it today. I rather like it." Liam twirls for effect and pats my leg. 

"Health and Safety would object to this!" I protest. 

"Are you going to sic H and S on us?" Danielle laughs. I nod in mock seriousness.

"Liam, you weirdo, let her down already."

"Finally," I sigh dramatically and I am returned to the floor.

"What are you two going to do this afternoon?" Danielle wanders into the bedroom and I can hear her digging though her closet.

"Dunno, I was thinking about making a run to Tesco. We're low on food," Liam calls in response. He's idly flicking through his Twitter feed on his phone.

"Yay domestic bliss," I tease. Liam shoots me a look. "I actually really like grocery shopping. Judge me if you must."

Liam just grins and tousles my hair with one hand, his attention returned to Twitter. A look of consternation creeps across his face.

"What's the skinny?" I ask, jostling his shoulder. I glance down at the small screen.

"Oh nothing," Liam closes it quickly, standing up.

"Bad things about me?" I ask, detachedly. 

"Nothing too terrible." Liam responds vaguely.

"I don't want to know, either way," I reassure him. "I'm no masochist."

"Masochist?" Liam's eyebrows arch in confusion. "What's that?"

"Someone who's into masochism?" I reply slowly.

"I don't know what that is," Liam shakes his head.

Now it's my turn to quirk an eyebrow. "You've never heard of sado-masochism?" His face remains blank. "S&M?" He blanches. "Masochism means that pain turns you o-" he claps a hand over my mouth, blushing.

"Yeah, I've got it." he says, withdrawing his hand. I grin up at him devilishly, and he rolls his eyes.

"I don't want to know why or how you know that."

"I read, dear Liam. You should try it some time."

"I would but I kind of have this whole career thing that gets in the way."

"Really?" I ask, fascinated. "I had no idea. Tell me about it!"

"Well, I'm kind of in a band,"

"A boy band?"

"A boy band, and we spend a lot of our time working and not very much reading."

"You must be pretty famous then."

"Eh, we get around."

"Have I heard of you?" 

"Maybe. Actually, you might be dating one of my band mates."

"You don't say!"

"What are you two idiots going on about?" Danielle calls from the bedroom.

"Dani, did you know you're boy here is in a band?"

"He might have mentioned it once or twice," she walks into the kitchen and Liam and I gape at her. We exchange appreciative glances, because homegirl here is in spandex and jazz shoes.

"You have good taste," I say to Liam, patting his shoulder. 

Danielle winks at me. "I've got to head out. I'll be home around 6, right?" She kisses Liam and saunters out the door.

As soon as the door closes, I turn to Liam.

"I know," he grins. "I know."

"Duuuude." I shake my head in amazement. He snagged a winner. "For the record, most straight couples gross me out, but…you two are fucking adorable."

Liam blushes adorably. 

"Okay, enough of that," I say briskly. "Let's see that shopping list." 

"Okay, here we go," Liam digs through a drawer and emerges victorious. "To Tesco's!"

"I think we should just get you a fake mustache," I say conversationally, as he pulls on a beanie and scarf and sunglasses.

"I thought maybe just an eyepatch and wooden leg."

"Oh, right, because that's inconspicuous." I laugh, digging through their front closet. I drag out a hideous sweater. "I'm wearing this thing." I pull it over my head. "I need you in my life," I whisper to the sweater.

"I think that's Nialler's. He lost it a while back."

"Well, it's mine now," I open the door and we walk to the Tesco a few blocks away. I guess the presence of a short, white girl throws the paps off, because theres only a few noncommittal cameras around. I guess maybe the mustache is unnecessary.

"I wanna ride in the cart," I announce as we walk in.

"How old are you again?" Liam demands, but he picks me up and puts me in the cart anyway.

"Eight yeaws owd. I wike ponies, and wainbows and buttafwys," I lisp, batting my eyes at him. "You can't resist me. No one can."

"Shut up, Jamie." Liam laughs, pulling my hat down over my eyes. "Here's the list; what do we need?"

For the next 20 minutes, we run around Tesco's like mad people, and everyone stares at the weird pair acting like 6 year olds. But at least they aren't staring because he's famous.

While we're waiting in line (I have removed myself from the cart, thank you), Louis texts me. 

_So whats with the video?_

**As if you don't already know**

_I do, of course._

**So you're just taunting me?**

_Basically, yeh._

**Love you too, Lou**

_Anyway, wanna hang tonight?_

**I thought you were chilling with Harry.**

_I am, he wants you to come by too._

**I'd hate to cockblock you.**

_Really, Jamie? I'm rolling my eyes_

**:P I might be able to squeeze you two into my busy schedule**

"Oh my god, you're Liam Payne. From One Direction!" Oh shit. My head snapped up at the squeal of the teenage girl who had been scanning our food.

"Yeah, are you a fan?" Liam asks with polite enthusiasm. The poor girl looks like her head is going to explode, and she's attracting attention. 

"Liam," I murmur in warning, my hand on his arm.

"Relax," He whispers, patting my shoulder reassuringly

 _"_ My little sister, she's absolutely mad about you lot. Could I get a signature for her?" The girl asks. Liam whips a pen out of nowhere.

"Oy, what's the hold up?" gripes the man behind us.

"Sorry, celebrity signing, be done in a moment," I apologize, sounding far more sincere than I am. The man mutters bitterly, but we are mercifully through the door on a matter of minutes. Somehow, Liam manages to carry grocery bags and check his Twitter feed simultaneously. 

"She's tweeted our location," he notes, with a sort of detached interest. "Huh, I think she recognized you."

"Cool," I'm surprised but also weirdly flattered. "What she say?"

"@Real_Liam_Payne just went through my till!!!!!!! with Niall's new gf????? idk but best day of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he reads.

"Wow." 

When we get back to the flat, Liam and I put on Ne-Yo and dance around the kitchen putting food away. When my Ne-Yo discography runs out, we collapse on the couch and put on classical music to make up lyrics. Yeah, I know, we're really cool.


	19. Chapter 19

_I found a place I want to take you tonight_

Aw, shit. I read Niall's text and my stomach drops. I totally forgot that he'd asked me out tonight when I made plan with Lou. Whoops.

**Sweet, I'm psyched**

_Psyched?_

**Excited**

_Oh, okay, weirdo._

**Where are we going?**

_It's a surprise_

**Do I need to look nice?**

_You always look nice_

**Flattery will not get you in my pants, Niall**

_Hahaha. Wear whatever you want. I'll get you around 6, yeh?_

**Sounds good. See you later**

** **

I immediately text Louis to cancel our plans. He teases me about bros before hoes, but tells me to have fun.

"Houston, we have a problem," I inform Liam. 

He gives me a look. "Houston? What's that?"

I shook my head in surprise. "Have you never seen  _Apollo 13_?" His confused look doesn't waver. "The movie, Liam,  _Apollo 13._ "

"Nope," he shakes his head.

I sigh. "Never mind then. Anyway. We, or rather I, have a problem."

"And what's that?"

"Well, I'm going out with Niall tonight, but in case you hadn't notice, I'm kind of a mess." I gestured to myself, grinning.

"Couldn't you just-oh no I suppose that wouldn't work at all."

"What?"

"I was going to suggest you raid Dani's closet, but…" we both looked down at me. Nope, no way I was going fit into her clothes.

"Well," I plop down across from Liam on the couch."There's always the back up plan."

"Oh?"

"Raid the laundromat for clothes in my size," I laugh when Liam throws a pillow at my face. "What? I thought it was a good idea!"

"You're mad."

"Completely," I grin. "But seriously, I want a shower and clean clothes."

"I have a plan. Pass me my mobile." 

I reach behind the couch and grab Liam's phone off the table. "Alright, what is the plan of attack?"

Liam is tapping away at his phone. "We're going to send someone over to your flat for clothes. You can shower here. Crisis averted."

I climb off of the couch and wrap my arms around Liam from behind. "You are the best," I kiss the top of kiss head. "I'm making tea, you want some?"

"Yeah! It's in the cabinet over the-on second thought, I'll get it. You'd probably fall and break your neck."

"Probably," I agree, filling the kettle in the sink and setting it on the stove to boil.

"Alright, Cass is on the phone, she's going over to your flat."

"One of the Modest! minions?" 

Liam chuckles guiltily. "Don't call her that," he admonishes. "Come here." he passes me the phone.

"Hi Cass."

"Hi Jamie. How are you?" Cass asks cheerfully. I decide I like her immediately.

"Eh, can't complain. There's this weird kid here though, Liam? He keeps talking about dead bodies in the basement. Should I be worried?"

"Oh, no," she laughs, "he does that sometimes. It's his way of being friendly. As long as you make sure he doesn't get too hungry you should be fine."

"What are you two talking about?" Liam badgers me suspiciously, swatting at my arm.

"No, Liam, I don't want to help you dig graves, go away." I say loudly, dodging his outstretched arms and scampering off. He chases me around the living room until I dash into the kitchen and dive into the cabinet under the sink, giggling madly.

"What are you doing?" Cass laughs.

"Hiding from Liam," I whisper. "He'll never find me here."

"Where?" 

"Under the sink!" 

Cass snorts in laughter.

"Jamieeeee," Liam calls slowly. I know your hiding somewhere in here. Come out, come out, wherever you are."

"He sounds like my first girlfriend," Cass whispers, and I chuckle at her joke before I remember I'm supposed to be straight. Well, at least I now know I'm not the only gay girl in the whole crew.

Liam's footsteps stop in front of the sink. "Are you hiding under the sink?"

"There's no one in here," I inform him.

"Huh, no one there apparently. Guess I go check the living room again."

Cass and I giggle some more.

"Alright let's get down to business, I've reached your flat. How do I get in?"

"When you get to the buzzer, ring 1C, and say you need to get into Jamie's apartment and that you have me on the phone to prove it."

"O-kaaay," I hear a sharp burst of noise as she exits the car and the pap are all over her. She must look innocent enough, because  after a bit of yelling, the volume decreases somewhat. With in a few minutes she's been let in my apartment, all the while muttering disgruntled commentary through the phone and making me laugh.

"So, your closet. Should I be worried about skeletons?" she jokes. 

"Clever girl. But no, I keep those in the under the rug in the living room. I should have some sundresses hanging up, yeah?" Cass hums in confirmation. "Alright one of those, and I should have some cowboy boots lying around."

"Got 'em."

"Okay then in my dresser, the top drawer has bras and underwear and such, if you would…"

"Socks too?" 

"Yes please. And then the middle drawer has jumpers and sweaters, if you could pick out whatever looks nice with the dress, I will be forever indebted to you."

"Alright, I think I've got it. See you soon."

"Thanks Cass!" I hang up and crawl out of the cabinet.

"Liam?" I start to stand up-

"ARGGGGG!!!"

"AAHHHH!" I scream as Liam drops down on top of me. "LIAM!" I wail, smacking him. "You almost gave me a heart attack, you asshat!"

Liam, of course, is rolling on the floor, practically weeping in laughter. "I was just waiting for you to get out of there," he gasps, pointing to the counter above, where he had been crouching silently.

"Evil, evil, evil!" I reprimand, hitting him with every word, but I'm laughing too.

"I got you so good," Liam stands up and drapes an arm around me.

"You did," I agree begrudgingly. "I'm going to go shower now." Liam points me in the direction of the bathroom.

When I get out of the shower, I wrap up in one of Liam's towels. There are voices coming from the front hall. I pop my head out and at the sight of a brunette with a shaggy bob, I wrap my towel a bit tighter and venture into the hall.

"Hi. You must be Cass," Her head snaps up at the sound of my voice and damn, she's fine.  She blatantly check me out, and I return the favor on my way to the door.  Liam steps back.

"Everything you asked for," Cass grins.

"Thanks," I relieve her of my clothes. "I give you a hug, but I'm a bit damp at the moment, so," I lean forward and give her cheek a kiss of equal parts gratitude and flirtation, before I depart to change. "See you around," I call over my shoulder. 

"Cheers, mate," Cass replies. God, she is sexy.

A couple minutes later I emerge. "How do I look?" I ask Liam, turning in a circle. 

"Adorable," Liam is looking at me with a smug little smirk tugging on his lips.

"What?" I demand.

"You and Cass?" He raises his eyebrows suggestively.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I lie innocently. Liam rolls his eyes and musses my hair. "I should get this cut," I tug on a lock of hair thoughtfully.

"I like it like this," Liam pouts. 

"I'm bored with it, though. I might chop it all off and dye it blue."

Liam snorts. "Perrie's mum can do it, she did Zayn's."

I check my watch. 5:53. Niall should be here soon. I pace absentmindedly, gnawing on my bottom lip. Liam watches me from the couch.

"Nervous?" 

"More for the paps and the crowds than anything else. I mean this is sort of a publicity stunt, isn't it?"

Liam surveys me thoughtfully as he set up his laptop. He's been planning on doing a Twitcam before Dani gets home. "If I were you, I wouldn't worry too much. Just have fun, yeah?" I nod and continue to pace until my phone buzzes.

"Hello?" It's Niall.

"Hey Niall, what's up?"

"We're running a bit late. It's a fucking jungle out here, all the paps are out with their cameras," he grumbles.

"You okay?" I ask, concerned.

"Yeah, we're fine. Just stay inside til we get there." He sounds off. I've never heard Niall grumpy before, but he seems disgruntled.

"You seem disgruntled," I note.

"I am! Did you see what trending on Twitter?" He reads them aloud, "Go back to America, and reasons to hate Jamie,"

"Oh." I'm shocked frankly, and it takes a moment for the horror to register. I shouldn't care. I really shouldn't. It's not me they hate, it's a the girl they think is dating Niall. But I am  _gutted._

 _"Shit._  Fuck, Jamie, I shouldn't have said anything. God, I'm so stupid, I never think before say anything-"

"Shh, it's okay, Niall. I'm fine." I lie, taking a deep breath. I wasn't going to let him worry about me. I can't cry in front of them, because we could not see me weak. Not going to happen. I was just going to act like I had no idea what they were saying. I bite the inside of my cheek, hard, focusing myself. 'You're fine, you're fine, you're fine' I chant to myself.

"Fuck me Jamie, I'm so sorry." Shit, Niall sounds on the verge of tears. I cannot handle a crying Niall. It is too heartbreaking and I will not be the cause of it twice. "I just don't understand how our fans can be so cruel," he moans.

"Niall, really I promise, I'm fine. Not much can get to me, so stop thinking about it okay?" It's a half lie, but Niall stops sniffing, so I'm willing to stretch the truth. We sit quietly for a while, me breathing through the intense pain in my chest. I wonder if I'm trapped in a nightmare.

"We're here," Niall informs me, sounding slightly cheerier. "Andy's coming up to get you." Within minutes, there was a heavy knock on the door. Liam opens it and engulfs Andy in a hug, before planting a kiss on the top of my head. 

"You kids have fun!" Liam smirks.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter coincides with my one shot, Lego House, which is about what happened between Louis and Harry.

When we pull up to the London Eye, it catches me off guard. We've spent the better half of an hour trying to ditch the paps so the circuitous route began to feel like the date itself, since Niall and I were having a grand old time in the back seat. But then Andy was hopping out of the car, gesturing for us to wait.  
"So what are we doing?" I ask, nudging Niall's shoulder.  
"I wanted to take you on a picnic," Niall explains, a little shyly, "but I didn't want to get mobbed. I really like the Eye, but there's like 20 people in each one, so Harry told me to just rent a pod and have a picnic in there." I can feel my eyes go wide.  
"Niall, you didn't…but I…" I am at a loss for words. "Thank you," I kiss his cheek, touched. He blushes clear to the roots of his hair. "You look like a tomato."  
"Shut up, Jamie."  
Andy opens Niall's door. "You've got about a minute before your thing leaves." Andy pulls an actual picnic basket out of the front seat. I cannot begin to fathom where he got it or what it holds, but Niall hooks it over him right arm and takes my hand with his left.  
"Ready to make the papers?" Niall raises his eyebrow at me with such a smirk on his face that I can practically hear girls swooning. I nod and follow him out of the car. At first no one pays us much mind. It's not until we're surpassing the lines, shuffling in through a separate entrance, that the recognition starts. Screams of "Oh my god, it's Niall Horan," rise from the serpentine line. I can feel Niall tensing as he grips my hand even tighter. The pod in front of us is just now empty and we're being ushered inside.  
"Enjoy the ride," Andy calls as the door slides shut. We wave at him, and then at the handful of fans below, identifiable by their cellphones, raised as if in a salute, no doubt snapping pictures like mad.

 

Niall opens the basket and pulls out a blanket, spreading it on the floor. I can't stop the laugh that slips out of my mouth. I am having a picnic in the London Eye with one of this biggest pop stars in the world. What is my life? Niall settles himself down and reaches up to pull me down next to him. There is music piping in softly, and Niall is pulling things out of the basket. It packed by some restaurant that is well versed in Niall's tastes, and my diet, it seems, because it is Indian food, my favorite.  
"Coconut curry with lentils, and something I can't read properly," Niall says handing me two containers, before digging in for his own dishes. I spread the naan in the middle of the blanket on tin foil. Last, but not least, Niall produces a beer for himself and thermos labeled 'Mango Lassi' for me. Yummy.  
"A feast fit for royalty." I declare. "I am extremely impressed, Niall. This look delicious." He flushes with pleasure and I reach over to ruffle his hair.  
"Cheers mate," I toast him with a bit of naan.  
"Cheers," Niall responds through a mouthful of chicken. I roll my eyes at his manners, but tuck in, because I am suddenly starving and faced with my favorite foods.

 

We're half way up when I'm full and Niall is running out of food. I wander over to the walls of the pod, 360 degrees of glass.  
"Niall, this view is amazing," I sigh happily. I feel him come up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on mine.  
"Yup," he agrees. We're quiet, enjoying the vast spread of London beneath us. I quiz myself on the landmarks. There is the Globe Theatre, and the Olympic Stadium and the Cutty Sark, a massive, old war ship. Niall is uncharacteristically quiet.  
"What's up?" I ask softly.  
"I was wondering what would happened if I had a wee off the pod this high up."  
I roll my eyes and knock the back of my head against his collarbone. "You are such a fucking class act, kid."  
Niall grins down at me, guileless. "Yeah, but you love me," he argues confidently.  
"Your idiocy has a certain charm I cannot resist, yes." I admit.  
Suddenly, Niall is pulling me over to the opposite side of the pod. "Look," He points at the platform and parking lot now far below us, where the place is now crawling with paps.  
I turn to Niall with a smile. "Oh, look. We have an audience." I wave down at them, though I seriously doubt they be able to tell. "I feel the need for a dramatic gesture. You know, to make it official."  
Niall wiggles his eyebrows at me, a smirk tugging at his lips. "You could always kiss me."  
"Oh, is that so?" With out any warning, I moved my hand up to his face and pulled him down to kiss me. Or so it would look to anyone else. In reality, my thumb was over his lips, and that's what I was kissing; an old acting trick I'd picked up in high school theatre. Niall happily played along though; I could feel the curve of his smile against my finger as he wrapped his arms low around my waist, pulling me against him. I ran my free hand through the soft hair at the base of his skull before pulling away, slightly breathless. He looks down at me, a stupid grin on his face.  
"Oh, don't look at me like that," I chuckle, smacking his arm. "It wasn't even real,"  
"Yeah," he sighs happily. "But I can dream." There something in the way he says it that is too honest, like the words just slipped out again.  
I'm suddenly uncomfortable, and I make an excuse to twist out of his arms, stare down again at the gathering crowd. It's too close, too much. The warning is heavy on my tongue, stay back, I'm a chronic heartbreaker. I'm the only one allowed to love me, because I'm scared everyone else won't do it right. The last thing I want is for Niall to cut himself on the jagged edges of my insides. But then I sneak a glance at Niall, and he looks so genuinely content and oblivious, that I figure maybe I can try not be a complete asshat for once.  
I elbow him in the ribs and point out the sun, slowly sinking behind the skyscrapers.  
"Damn," he mutters, "wish I'd brought a camera."  
I shrug, "I think it loses it's meaning it you can keep it." I'd rather just enjoy it while it lasts. "Besides, there'll be another one tomorrow."

 

***

 

In the car ride afterward, Niall's moaning about Twitter not loading and I'm teasing him that we probably crashed the internet when I get a text from Louis.  
 _he kissed me_  
I'm grateful that Niall's preoccupied because the sounds coming out of my mouth are not human, I have to shove my fist against my mouth to shut myself up, because I am so surprised and overwhelmed and excited for them, and I can feel tiny tears pricking the corners of my eyes. I swipe at them with the back of my hand, feeling stupidly happy, stupid and happy. Finally, I remember to actually respond to Louis' text sometime before the next ice age, and dash off a quick  
 **took you long enough!**  
because now is neither the time for eloquence or proper capitalization. I allow myself a little wriggle of joy before returning my attention to Niall. He has a look of deep consternation on his face and I yield to the implies to reach over and physically smooth out the lines in his forehead.  
"Don't hurt yourself there," I tease gently, and Niall responds by shushing me and stroking the side of my face distractedly without looking up from his phone, like I'm some unreasonable 6 year old. I think he's mistaken me for Liam.  
"Oh!" Niall starts giggling like an idiot, and I try to wrestle the phone away so I can see what's got him so wound up, because I don't feel like using my words like a big kid. Niall has longer arms, so the game is sort of moot, until I dig my fingers into his sides, just under his ribs and he curls in on himself like a pillbug.  
Victoriously, I snatch the phone out of his hands and slide to the far end of the backseat, where he can't reach me, because I scooted way down and am using my legs to hold him off. I see what was so funny immediately. Liam's tweeted a link to a keek video with the caption ' Haha @NiallOffical leave room 4 jesus kidsssssss :)xx'. I have an inkling what is coming, but I click on the link anyway, nearly kicking Niall's face in the process, his hands futily grabbing at the phone.  
"I wanna watch too!" he demands.  
"What's the magic word?" I retort. I'm feeling immature and I know Niall thinks it funny.  
"Lumos?" Niall shrugs.  
"Eh, close enough," I rotate in my seat so we can watch the scene together. Sure enough, my suspicions are confirmed when the loaded video turns out to be that of Niall teaching me "Baby" on the guitar, from a couple of weeks back. "Who is that stunning girl in the video?" I ask Niall earnestly. He laughs and shoves my shoulder, knocking me into the car door.  
Andy whips around in his seat. "Oi, you kids play nice or I swear to god I will have him turn the car around." He nods to the driver, and Niall and I give him identical looks of contrition.  
"She started it," Niall digs, and I pretend to bite his shoulder in retaliation.

"So, do you think I'll be able to go back to my flat, or…?" I try to sound casual, but I really don't dig the idea of couch surfing. Besides, it seems a bit ridiculous for the paps to still be scoping out my place, but then I supposed I'm rather new to the whole pap thing in the first place. 

 

In the end, my flat is deeming okay by Paul, so if there are still paps there at least they have the decency to be subtle about it, and I don't really care at this point, I want to curl up in bed and gossip with Louis about what went down tonight on his end. When the car pulls up outside of my flat, to my surprise, Niall jumps out to walk me up to my flat.  
"Look at you, being all smooth," I tease as he grabs my hand. Niall gives me his best sassy white girl face in response, and swings our connected hands as we climb the stairs. When reach the door, I fumble with bag, digging around for my keys.  
"Come out, come out, wherever you are…" I mutter to myself, slipping into sailor's accent as I quote Pirates of the Caribbean. "We know you're in there, poppet…Aha, gotcha!" I emerge triumphant, and Niall smirks at me. "I would invite you in, but I feel that would be rather rude to Andy, and company, would't it?"  
"Yeah," Niall chuckles, and pulls me into a tight hug, his arms wrapped low around my waist, and the smell of boy and beer and Axe fill my brain. He plants a kiss on my cheek and pulls away. "See ya tomorrow," He calls, quickly disappearing back down the steps.  
"Good night," I call after him, and unlock my door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, shout out to the stranger who tracked down my Tumblr after I changed urls just to ask me to write another chapter. You have not labored in vain.


End file.
